In December of 2019 I told my husband I wanted 2020 to be a year that we would step back and see what God would do. Little did I know what that would really mean.
Let’s take a moment and reflect on the past year. In January of 2019 my husband said, “Amanda, I feel that change is coming for us this year.” And change did come but not in the physical sense. It was more of changes in thinking and heart matters. A change in perspective and expectations regarding many things. I think my husband thought it would be a change in his career, moving from a Wind Turbine Technician to an apprentice electrician. Which, has seemed to allude him no matter how hard he has worked to get it. “You should be a shoe in,” we heard or “they really need electricians in the area, you shouldn’t have any problems getting in with the kind of experience you have.” Well, 9 months later…nothing. I personally am not bummed about these things, God works out all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes. God has us no matter what.
So now it’s been about 3 weeks since this Air Force possibility came up and boy has the last few weeks been a whirl wind of thoughts, emotions, seeking information, prayers, and most of all seeking God’s direction for our life. To be honest it feels like we have been contemplating the Air Force for months!!! But it’s has only been a matter of weeks *deep breath. You don’t make a decision like this without counting the costs. And we have counted the cost: talked about every scenario possible, what it would mean for us as a family with two small children, what moving would be like, possible deployment, possible mental health concerns like PTSD, the initial distance with basic training (8.5 weeks) and then technical school immediately after (3-6months for most schooling), etc….
I personally have wrestled with my own concerns and fears… mainly the distance. I have full confidence in my husband’s eyes for only me, that’s not my fear but I married my husband to be with him not to be apart from him. And what about our kids not having daddy home for possibly 6 months! Skype helps but it’s not the same; everything else doesn’t bother me.
These last few weeks I’ve contemplated many things. One being the illusion of the amount of control we have over our own lives. Don’t get me wrong, I believe our actions play greatly into the life we live on Earth but there is also so much that we don’t control. I don’t control what happens to me when I step out of my house, I only control how I react to what happens to me.
Another thing has been obedience to God’s call for our lives. I actually contemplated joining the Air Force when I graduated with my BSN and was single, but I decided not to at the time. Also, my whole life I wanted to be a missionary but after college, the Lord asked me to give that dream to him & leave it at the altar. So I started volunteering with refugees, worked as a nurse, got married, got pregnant and started to go back to school for my MSN. Then my plan of being an NP kind of fell apart/got put on hold. So when I told my husband in December that I wanted to see what the Lord wanted to do with our lives this year and friend “warned” me “be prepared for anything!” —now that I think of it, that’s kind of how I meet my husband…I stopped trying to find the right man for me & told God I was sick of wasting time on anything less than His choice for me and let Him bring me my future husband—
Back to obedience… I can’t look back on what I may be leaving behind and become paralyzed with what may appear to be loss. I don’t want to be like Lot’s wife who turned to a pillar of salt because she was afraid of what she was “loosing” when God had told them to leave because destruction was coming. Abraham had no details of where he was going when God told him go to a place I will show you, leave behind your people and your country. Abraham simply obeyed; he picked up His household and moved and God did amazing things. I don’t want to live for this life alone but for the one to come. If we feel this is the call of God for our lives and we don’t go, what will I say to God on judgment day when he asks “Amanda, why did you not obey when I called you?” What will my response be? “Oh, uh, sorry Lord, I was afraid so I stayed?” Or “sorry Lord, that assignment was too inconvenient, I couldn’t go.” The list of excuses could go on: I didn’t know what I was getting myself into so I didn’t want to go, I don’t want to live far from my parents, I don’t want to move every four years with the military, my husband might be sent to war if we do that, i didn’t want to adjust my lifestyle to a military salary, the list goes on. But like I told my husband, I don’t want to focus on what we might miss out on by leaving but I want to focus on what we could gain by going. I don’t want to say no to what God is calling us to just because I don’t understand or know what it entails. I want to stand before God and hear him say “Amanda! My good and faithful servant, welcome home. Here is the reward of your obedience…” Besides, following God’s plan is far more exciting than following after my own.
A girl I know had a word spoken over her… I made you for the tough places… maybe the toughest place of all is getting to that place of total surrender, total trust, in the God who created it all and weaves our lives so intricately together. The One who knows it all, while we feel left in the dark at times, while He calls out this way, trust me, I am with you.
We finish our fast next week. We already have our answer. US Air Force here we come. My husband will enlist after our fast, at the end of the month or the beginning of February. I have total peace & am excited about the days to come. Already the pieces are coming together. Now we just have to let people know of our decision… which we will slowly do so after our fast is over.
Stay tuned for more in the following weeks to come.
The Ruby Blossom 