A few weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated our first six years of marriage. We looked at each other and said “wow, it’s been six years already!?” When I was my son’s age (5 years) I would have thought 6 years was forever but as an adult watching as little ones grow, you come to realize how short that time really is. Time is a funny thing, in some ways it seems so finite but yet the experience of that same amount of time can be so different depending on age and/or experiences during that set amount of time. For instance, 3 days in constant pain can feel like eternity, while 3 days on vacation seems like a blink.
Around our wedding anniversary, I seem to be nostalgic. I enjoy looking back and remembering where we have come from, where we are, and where we hope to go in the future… not just location wise (vacations, houses, states or cities, etc…) but also where we’ve been in circumstances as a couple, things we have faced, and even how we have grown and changed over the years. I feel it helps me face the days to come, whether easy or stressful knowing what we have gone through before and that we have exited the other side.
Our love story, my husband’s and mine, is one that almost didn’t happen. And if I had been hanging on to the past or looking solely at what I was experiencing in the moment, it wouldn’t have. You see, I had really liked a man from Africa, who showed some interest in me but not enough to actually pursue me in a relationship. I had crushed on this guy for about a year before I had finally just released him to God. Some of you may ask what does that mean? Well, releasing someone to God is basically revoking any “claim” you have for or against someone and allowing God to deal with them. In my case, I let go of my desire to be with him and asked God to bring the right person into his life for him, even if that meant it wasn’t me. At this point in time, I had already met my husband, I’ll call him D., six months prior at a college ministry for International Students but I didn’t really know him or get to know him at that time. I distinctly remember the first time I met him, but only because it was awkward, at least for me, because he has since told me he has no recollection of the event.
Three months later, D walked into that college group with a Japanese student that I had previously known from a different part of the state. Have you ever been so surprised to see someone that you thought you would never see again? If yes, that was me! The funny thing is I didn’t even see this student when he walked in, I heard his voice and it sounded so familiar. I walked around the corner and saw his face when he turned around. We both were surprised to see each other. D. saw the whole thing happen and later told me that watching this event took place made him wish that someday, someone would have that reaction towards him and it was this moment that had made me stick out to him.
About a month later, D., an Egyptian, an other American girl, and I ended up having a deep theological discussion. This discussion is what stuck him out in my mind and I left more intrigued about who he was a person and his beliefs. I don’t know about you but growing up as a Holy Spirit filled believer, even considering dating a Roman Catholic was… well… considered concerning. But thankfully, I had met Catholics who really loved Jesus and who had built their lives around Him, not the “Saints,” “Mary,” and the “Pope.” Plus,there was something about the way that D. talked about God and Jesus, that struck a cord with my spirit and I just knew there was something different about him. I could tell that the Holy Spirit had been working in his life. And after many conversations I came to believe that his beliefs where not that different than my own.
We had decided to date each other in October of 2012, just 4 months after I had opened my heart to whoever God had for me. That day was so sweet. I remember D. and I walking out at my family farm near a field and he began to talk about climbing apple trees to get the best fruit way up top. He told me something along the lines of anyone can pick an apple off the ground, but they are normally not of as good of quality as the ones way up high. Those who want the best apples, have to climb the tree and search for it. And then he said something about me being the best apple for him and if I would be his girlfriend. I, of course, said yes. And that’s when things got stormy.
The man I had released to God, had decided that he now wanted to pursue me! He actually called me the day after D. had asked me to be his girlfriend, saying something like I was up all night thinking about you and I want to have a relationship with you, etc… Man, I was so angry. I felt like he was trying to take this joyous moment from me and that he was only interested in me because someone else was. I told him he would have to wait for me, if he really felt that way because I was already dating someone else and I wasn’t about to go back on my word. I vaguely remember him saying “why are you doing this to me? I have bought a house and my parents are coming.” I flatly replied that I was not doing anything to him and that he had previously made it very clear that he did not see a future with me so I was moving on.
He text me constantly for the first 3 weeks of my relationship with D., and it was getting ridiculous, so I called in a trusted mutual friend and his wife and told them everything and that this guy would not stop texting me and that I was concerned he was going to show up unannounced at my house and freak my roommate out. Thankfully, he stopped messaging me after that and I just saw him moping around for a few months when we were among mutual friends. I told him it was for the best and that God had someone better for him than me. At which he quickly replied that I was the best one for him and I told him, “I’m sorry you feel that way” and walked away. Though, that month was super stressful, it drove a thick wadge between us and made it so easy to fully embrace my relationship with D. and to never look back. I couldn’t be with someone I can’t trust and I had lost all trust for that other guy.
Shortly after that, some major concerns starting appearing between D. and I. Though we had both grown up in Church, the denominations were very different….like opposite ends of the spectrum. Growing up, it was common to hear people speak in tongues… like almost everyone I knew had a prayer language (a language that you speak to God with that is given to you by the Holy Spirit, that only God knows) and it wasn’t out of the ordinary for one to have a word in another language and have someone else give an interpretation. Growing up, I regularly watched people get prayed for and they would be healed, either on the spot or a short time after. And occasionally, there would be a demon that made itself known and the church dealt with it and the person would be freed from that demonic oppression/control. But for D., this did not happen. I distinctly remember him coming to me and telling me that God does not work this way and that I was part of a cult. We talked for over 2 hours and I validated his feelings and acknowledged that to some this would be weird or scary. But I also told him that I believed God still worked this way. This things were written in the Bible and Jesus preformed many healings and cast out many demons from people and that those who follow Him are called to do what He did. Both of us left that conversation thinking our relationship was over.
It was a Wednesday evening so I went to Church for their prayer service. Throughout our relationship I had prayed a lot about questions and concerns I had. I asked many times “Lord, did I hear you right? Is this really the person you have for me because I’m tired of wasting time on people who are not for me.” He always answered my questions and concerns very quickly and that evening was no exception. The service was half way over and I spent much off it crying and questioning, when I looked across the room and there was D. I was shocked. After the service I went to him and asked why he was hear after our conversation earlier. He told me he felt like he was supposed to be there and that the message the pastor spoke on was the exact same passage he had been reading in the Bible that day. He also told me that he felt that he had been wrong about what he had said previously. I was shocked. He also told me that he thought I was going to tell him that our relationship was over before he had left the house that day but I didn’t and this surprised him. To be honest, I had thought about it but didn’t.
D and I actually argued more while we were dating than we have while we have been married. But I believe God used that time to help tie us together as a couple. For me. especially, I had never seen God answer my prayers so quickly as I had when D. and I were dating. Probably because who you marry is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life. No other decision has such a radically influence on the rest of your life as that one. We used our dating time to get on the same page on just about every topic, particularly the ones closest to our hearts.
I do remember sometime in the first year of marriage, looking up to heaven in my kitchen and saying “Lord, this isn’t what I was expecting.” Admitting this to God openly and honestly did wonders for my soul. I knew that D. was the one he had for me because I had seen God’s hand in it the whole time we were dating and even recognized how God had used my past to help prepare me for my husband and how he used my husband’s past to help prepare him for me.
There have been times when we have been distant not only physically (due to work) but emotionally (due to our own hurts) as well but God has always brought us back together and we were both willing to reconcile with each other. Most of our marriage we have had one income, mine or his. We have had a time when he could not work due to immigration status and waiting for the appropriate paperwork. This was when I was working nights full time, was taking 5 credits in graduate school and pregnant with our first child… not to mention newly married. I was super stressed at the time but I was pampered by my husband who did every thing around the house while he was not able to work legally.
We’ve had a relative live with us for almost 2 and a half years. We’ve had disagreements with in-laws on both sides at times, like all married couples do at some point. We’ve faced rejection from people we thought were friends. We’ve faced rejection from family members. We’ve argued, inadvertently hurt each others feelings, had to be honest and say the tough things that need to be said, we’ve built each other up, we’ve encouraged one another to chase our dreams, we’ve dreamed together, built a family together, are living through a pandemic together, and found out how different we really are from one another. Most importantly we’ve decided to be in it together ’til one of us parts in death.
My grandparents were married 67.5 years until my grandfather passed away a few years ago. This year in August would’ve made 70 years. D.’s grandparents were married the same year, just in a different country. They made it 64 years before his grandmother passed away the week of our wedding. My grandmother use to say that she had no idea how they made it a lifetime. “We have nothing in common,” she would say. I know what she meant, they were as different from one another as different could be. But yet they did have many things in common: they held 67 years of memories together, they chose to build a life together, they decided to be committed to one another, and they had Jesus; not initially, but they each came to faith in their own time and I believe it was their commitment to Him which made their commitment to each other so much easier. I also believe that it is our commitment to Christ that will help D. and I fulfill our vows of ’til death do we part.
The Ruby Blossom 