I’m not going to lie, this last week has been emotionally draining. Last week Thursday, my daughter went in for her 2 week check up and I was hit with a double whammy. Not only was my daughter not gaining weight but her newborn screen had come back abnormal for FA + Barts; alpha thalassemia. Needless to say we were shocked! We have two sons already and none of them had any abnormal tests results on their newborn screenings. In the office she had to have her blood drawn from her vein, not just the typical heel stick. I was devastated. In my mind I had connected the weight loss with the alpha thalassemia and my mind automatically started thinking the worst.
Over last weekend I was nursing and pumping every 2 hours trying to increase my milk supply and it felt like every time I was trying to increase my supply made my supply decrease. It was so disheartening. I cried so much over the weekend. I reached out for prayer among my friends and openly wept before the Lord over the situation many times; trying to fight fear with faith and encouraging my heart with scriptures like Psalms 23 & 27, 2 Tim 1:7, and Phil 4:5-7. Trying to turn my eyes from my circumstance and looking toward Jesus. I cannot say that it was easy.
Whenever something major happens, it also takes me a couple days to catch my feet and recenter myself. Monday I went in for a weight check to see if my efforts were making any progress… they were a little bit. She gained an ounce over the weekend. *sigh. All my hard work and only an ounce. *sigh. I breast fed her in the office and she had only eaten an ounce in a hour. Which, according to my pediatrician, would have been fine if she was a 6 lb newborn but she was born at almost 11 lbs so she needs twice that amount… if not triple that amount! So over the last few days I have been taking herbal supplements for breast feeding like fenugreek and blessed thistle. Not to mention still pumping a lot and I even got a sample of formula to try, if I wanted to. My husband lovingly reminded me that there was no shame in supplementing with formula feeding just as there is no shame in getting an epidural in labor, the most important thing is that she eats and grows.
Starting Tuesday evening I started to supplement with formula until I can establish a large enough milk supply to sustain her. To be honest, she is a terrible nurser, she is so slow at breastfeeding she falls asleep before getting a full feeding no matter what I do. At least when she is bottle fed she is very alert and vigorously drinks. The downside is that she swallows a lot air with the bottle. Trying to pump and breast feed is also time consuming. I have to other children age 5 and 2 and they need my attention too. So I have no idea how long I will be able to keep this breastfeeding and pumping routine. I think I need to reach out to a lactation consultant and see what we can figure out together.
Today, when I went in for her weight check I was greeted with good news! She gained most of her birth weight back over the 3 days in between weight checks! That’s a whole 9 oz that she gained!!! I did however, feed her 3 oz of breast milk prior to showing up for her weight check so I’m not sure how accurate that was, but we are going in again next week to see if she has indeed gained back to her birth weight. We also got her test results back for the confirmation for alpha thalassemia. However, the test confirmed nothing. Instead, the result was abnormal but inconclusive so she has to repeat all the blood work again at 6 months old. To be honest, I am encouraged the test result was inconclusive and the hematologist told us not to be worried over the test. Apparently, of all the newborn screens, the alpha thalassemia one is the least common one to come back as abnormal. Also, he believes that since the test was inconclusive at this point, she is most likely a carrier of the trait and doesn’t have the disorder. If in six months we discover she does carry this trait, my husband most be a carrier as well, he just never knew it. I would be shocked if I was the carrier, since I am not of Mediterranean or Southeast Asian descent, but my husband is from Italy and we have since learned of some distant relatives who carry the trait.
So the last seven days started off on a low note but ended on a high note. I’m so thankful for friends, family, and the support of my church with meals, babysitting, prayers, and listening ears. The support is encouraging and definitely has made this adjustment so much easier. God is good and He continues to pour out His kindness upon me, even in the midst of uncertainty and moments of despair.
The Ruby Blossom 