Author: Ruby Blossom

It was the fall of 2011, I had graduated the previous spring from Northwestern College (NWC) in Orange City, IA, and found myself looking for something familiar… something that reminded me of my time in college… something that helped me stay connected to the world outside of the predominantly white world that I had previously lived in as a child. Though NWC was a small college tucked just on the outskirts of a small town in the Midwest the college had made it a point over the years to reach out and make a way for international students to come. Over my 5 years there I met students from all over the world: Czech Republic, Lithuania, Nepal, China, South Korea, Taiwan, India, Japan, DRC, Mauritius, Mexico, Brazil, South Africa, and many others. I also had the chance to study under professors who had lived a substantial amount of time in Ecuador, Central Africa, South Africa, Taiwan and other places around the world. As a student at NWC I was also given the opportunity to do a few service projects abroad and later lived with a woman from Taiwan and helped as an English tutor for a few international students on campus. At one point, I was so involved with International Students that I was elected to be on the Core group of students who organized events for the International Student Club on campus.

But now, I was graduated. I had a choice to make. Should I go back to my purely “American” life and exclude all those who look different, have a different culture, and speak English with an accent? Or do I continue to reach out to those who are different than myself and learn to appreciate the vast cultures and differences among the people of the world?

I choose to embrace those who are different. In the Fall of 2011 I joined a local ministry that reaches out to International Students. It was amazing to see people interact with others they would have never normally interacted with in their own country due to culture, socioeconomic status, language barriers, and more but now, in America these vastly different students now had a binding factor: they were all foreigners in America.

It was working with International students at this organization that I learned that the majority of international students will never be invited to an American’s home. Many international students feel isolated and alone. They often find it frustrating that American’s seem so friendly but that this friendliness is often superficial and they leave the situation feeling rejected by the American’s around them.

We, my husband and I, have friends who work with international students at a University in Colorado. In talking with them a few months ago when this corona virus hit, they had stated that the Asian students had other American students blame them for bringing the virus to the USA and lamented that they (the students) hadn’t even been home in over a year and that they (our friends) where the only Americans who would still talk to them. The students were also filled with fear about the virus, not only fearing for their own lives but for their families back home and wondering where they would go if the college campus would close completely. Hearing this absolutely broke my heart.

For those who don’t know. International students are only allowed to work on the College Campus that they are enrolled at. If caught working off campus, they can be deported. Also, international students can pay up to double the tuition fees that American students pay depending on the school (this was the case for my husband who went to a public community college). Since international students can not work off campus, and tuition is a lot higher in the US than in their home country, sending a student to the USA is a major financial burden for their families back home.

Students come for a variety of reasons. I have met students who want to do cancer research or other types of research, those who want to get into international politics, students who are searching for a better life, possibly even a safer life. Students who just want to learn and return home and students who fall in love with the freedoms that they experience here in the USA that are not offered back home. Many just want a chance to live and achieve their dream.

My husband came to initially learn English and return home to be a tour guide or something similar but over time decided to stay and obtain an Associates degree in Applied Science for Wind Technology (his dream job as a teenager). Later, his sister would come and also earn an associates degree in English with the desire to return home and teach English. Since earning her degree she has returned home, while my husband and I have chosen to stay here and raise our family.

This last week or two when I found out that the US government had decided that all International Students who are only able to have online learning this semester due to COVID-19 must return home, I was deeply disturbed. Many will not be able to afford the plane ticket to return and there is no guarantee that they will be able to finish out their education remotely in the future when classes can resume in person.

According to International Educational Exchange the 2018/2019 school year the USA had almost 1.1 million international students who added $44.7 billion to the US economy in 2018. However, I would like to add that International students add more to the USA than just money. The presence of international students allows American students and those that get a chance to interact with them a chance to get a snap shot of what people and cultures are like in other parts of the world. I-Students help bring different perspectives to classroom discussions and can show other people difference approaches to handling conflict, interacting with those around them, gender roles and/or behaviors, cooking, eating, and just living in general.

Receiving I-students warmly and with open arms gives the US a great opportunity to positively impact the nations around us. If every I-student who finished their degree and went back home, left with positive feelings towards the government and Americans in general, it would have a ripple effect for generations to come. Of those students who come here and return home, many will become leaders in their communities and have the power to make change in their nation. Some, not all, are children of diplomats, of government officials, and of business owners. They will have the opportunity to share with those they know what the “real America” is like, not what is portrayed in the movies. There is also a real chance that some of their thinking will be significantly shaped because of being immersed in another culture. I can honestly say that about 4.5 months in Asia significantly altered the lens in which view the world and I believe that experience has made me a better person for it.

Thankfully, the US government has rescinded their decree about International students needing to return home if their classes are all online during this pandemic. I’m glad the Colleges and Universities banded together to fight this ridiculous order and stand up for those who truly have no voice during their stay in the US and the laws that affect them. I believe it was a completely un-American thing to do. The USA is a melting pot of all different cultures and ideas. Embracing diversity, though difficult, is what makes this country so unique. We see it etched across the landscape, from oceans to mountains, deserts to great forests; and we see it on the faces of all those who have come to call the USA home, no matter if their families have lived here for generations or if they are fresh off the boat. Without constant growth, an infusion of fresh ideas from time to time, and a willingness to learn and try new things we grow stale as a nation. We need to be challenged with new ideas; the status quo questioned and occasionally rewritten. Without conflict, there is no growth and without exposure, no real change. In small but vital ways, the presence of International Students in our schools and ideally in our life add value and a deeper meaning to not only our education but to our life in general.

If you are a college student I want to challenge you to reach out to the students from different nations at you school. If you are an American Adult I encourage you to reach out to others who are not originally from here in your community. You might see them at the grocery store, the bank, in your downtown area, the park, or local ethnic food joints. I want to challenge you to not just reach out to them but to actually extend the hand of friendship, learn their story, welcome them into your life and maybe eventually even into your home for a meal. You might be surprised at how much knowing them can add to your life.

I started my home schooling journey about a full year prior to the rest of America. Those early months were filled to the brim with research, questions, and constant evaluation. I spent hundreds of hours looking for and at home school curriculum; reading other parent’s testimonials and reviews of what they liked and didn’t like about certain curriculum and materials, etc…. At times I was overwhelmed with the amount of information out there and the weight of teaching my own children at home everything they would learn at school.

I questioned myself: my own ability, my patience, my attitudes, my motives. Most of all I had to take a good look at my own preconceived notions about homeschooling. I prepared myself for the questions and concerns of others, as well as, the backlash that I would receive from others who appeared to firmly believe that I was going to screw up my kids for life by not putting them in a public or private school.

Truth be told, until last year I had never considered home schooling my children. Even though I wanted to be home schooled as a child, especially in high school, because sitting in school all day was “so boring” and “pointless” (said every teenager). I loved it when I got to college and was able to select what I wanted to learn about and to know that the classes I was taking were actually going to mean something to my future career on a very practical level.

Anyway, when I decided to home school it was a decision that I personally made. It was not suddenly thrust upon me. I chose what materials I was going to use and I chose when and how I was going to teach my son, and most importantly I had time to mentally prepare and to rearrange my daily schedule to accomplish this new adventure. It was all the preparation before hand to enabled me to succeed in my first year of home schooling.

Home schooling your children is not something that you just wake up one day and say “I’m going to home school my children and take them out of school starting today!” This is why America failed this home schooling experience. Modern American culture/society is not set up for home schooling on a wide scale. When the majority of two parent households have both spouses work full time, as well as, the majority of single parent households who work full time to provide for their families it is no wonder that home schooling under those conditions fail. I’m not saying that it can not be done but it does make things difficult and it can make homeschooling extremely stressful.

My eldest is only 5 years old. We started preschool last year. I’m not going to lie, it was stressful at times! He is a very bright kid, which can be challenge all on it’s own. I have known other families with multiple kids being home schooled at the same time (K-12) but this also was a personal choice for them. I can not imagine having schooling my child at home dumped in my lap one day like the majority of parents with school aged children. My heart goes out to those parents who not only had found themselves working 40 hours a week at home, had no child care for their young ones, and were expected to teach and/or motivate their older ones to do their school work! What a recipe for disaster.

Homeschooling has to be a personal choice by the parent who is doing the educating at home. It can not simply be pushed on them. Schedules and priorities have to be aligned. A plan has to be made that can then be executed on a practical level. A plan that is not practical to one’s personal situation is useless. Also, a parent has to be mentally prepared to home school. For some families, homeschooling is impractical and extremely difficult to do. I would never expect a family in debt to home school, nor would I ever expect single parent’s to home school as well. I, also, would never expect a family to home school against their wishes! As with anything you do, you have to count the costs (I’m talking more than just financial costs here). Is it worth it to you?

My husband and I counted our cost. We weighed our options, decided what was important to us, what we wanted to teach and pass on to our children, how we wanted our kids to interact with the world around them, and discovered that many of those things you learn in the real world, not the classroom. We decided that educating our children was our responsibility, not anyone else’s. This year, it has worked out for our benefit and even if I wouldn’t have willing chosen to home school this year, it would have been put in my lap anyway.

I don’t know if homeschooling will be the best option for my family for the rest of my children’s childhood but for now I believe it is. The other day my mom asked me if I would home school my boys through high school. My reply was that if my boys make it to high school and we are still homeschooling that will be up to them. My hope is that by then they would be self sufficient learners leading themselves through their education, that is if we are still homeschooling. I don’t know what the future holds but I am confident that we will all get through this, one day at a time.

To be honest, the writing today is birthed out of a growing frustration with people in my life or on the periphery of my life. Over the last few years and months and even over the last few weeks I have noticed this growing satisfaction with not working among people who are physically and mentally able to work but have either, turned down multiple job offers because its not “what they think they should be doing” or “the job is below them,” they cannot keep a job due to poor decision making (they don’t show up to work, they lost their license due to drunk driving, or they simply don’t do the job they were hired to do), or they simply don’t see how work in necessary because they are living off the work of someone else! I’ve also seen the flip side, where an individual has a job but thinks they don’t get paid enough, even though the wage is great, so they do as little work as possible and also “charge” extra hours for work they did not actually do, nor where they present for!

As you may have guessed, the Lord has much to say about work. In all actuality, work is a divine institution. This means that God made “work.” He set it up. An institution, according to Merriam-Webster is a significant practice, relationship, or organization in a society or culture. Genesis 2 is where we see the first mention of work. It is here that we see God creating the garden of Eden (God was working). He places Adam in the garden to work it and to take care of it (verses 8 &15). Then God says in verse 18 that Adam shouldn’t be alone and that He needs a suitable helper for the work God had given him to do. So God puts Adam to sleep, takes a rib from his side (representing equality) and forms Eve (God working again), to help Adam accomplish the work that needs to be completed in the garden. It is only in Chapter 3, after Adam and Eve have disobeyed that work becomes burdensome and difficult. So here, we see that work was a vital part of what humanities intended purpose while we are on earth.

Proverbs about work

Proverbs is full of wisdom about the importance of hard work and what happens to those who are lazy in this regards. Below are the majority of proverbs that I have found that deal with working or the lack of.

10:5 A wise youth harvests in the summer, but one who sleeps during harvest is a disgrace.
10:16 The earnings of the godly enhance their lives, but evil people squander their money on sin.
10:26 Lazy people irritate their employers, like vinegar to the teeth or smoke in the eyes.
12:11 A hard worker has plenty of food, but a person who chases after fantasies has no sense.
12:24 Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and become a slave.
12:27 Lazy people don’t even cook the game (wild meat) they catch, but the diligent make use of everything they find.
13:4 Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper.
13:7 Some who are poor pretend to be rich; others who are rich pretend to be poor.
13:11 Wealth from get rich quick schemes quickly disappears;wealth from hard work grows over time.
14:1 A wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
14:23 Works brings profit but mere talk leads to poverty!
15:19 A lazy person’s way is blocked with briers(thorny weeds) but the pathway of the upright is an open highway.
16:3 Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.
16:11 The Lord demands accurate scales and balances; he sets the standards for fairness.
16:26 It is good for workers to have an appetite; an empty stomach drives them on.
17:16 It is senseless to pay to educate a fool, since they have no heart for learning.
18:9 A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things.
18:15 Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge.
19:3 Foolish people ruin their own lives and then are angry at the Lord.
19:15 Lazy people sleep soundly, but idleness leaves them hungry.
19:24 Lazy people take food in their hand but don’t even lift it to their mouth.
20:4 Those too lazy to plow in the right season will have no food at the harvest.
20:13 If you love sleep, you will end in poverty. Keep your eyes open and their will be plenty to eat.
21:5 Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.
21:17 Those who love pleasure become poor; those who love wine and luxury will never be rich.
21:25 Despite their desires, the lazy will come to ruin, for their hands refuse to work.
22:13 The lazy person claims, “There is a lion out there! If I go outside I may be killed!” (They make excuses for their behavior!
22:29 Do you see any competent workers? They will serve kings rather than working for ordinary people.
23:4 Don’t wear yourself out trying to get rich, Be wise enough to know when to quit.
24:30-31 I walked by the field of a lazy person, the vineyard of one with no common sense. I saw that it was overgrown with nettles. It was covered with weeds, and its walls were broken down.Then, as I looked and thought about it, I learned this lesson: A little extra sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest— then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit; scarcity will attack you like an armed robber.
27:18 As workers who attend a fig tree are allowed to eat the fruit, so workers who protect their employer’s interest will be rewarded.
27:23,24 Know the state of your flocks (a representation of income), and put your heart into caring for your herds (protecting and increasing your income) , for riches don’t last forever, and the crown might not be passed to the next generation (if you don’t you may have nothing left to leave behind for your children).
28:19 A hard worker has plenty of food, but a person who chases fantasies ends up in poverty.

What Ecclesiastes tells us about work.

⁸ I came to hate all my hard work here on earth, for I must leave to others everything I have earned. ¹⁹ And who can tell whether my successors will be wise or foolish? Yet they will control everything I have gained by my skill and hard work under the sun. How meaningless! ²⁰ So I gave up in despair, questioning the value of all my hard work in this world.

²¹ Some people work wisely with knowledge and skill, then must leave the fruit of their efforts to someone who hasn’t worked for it. This, too, is meaningless, a great tragedy. ²² So what do people get in this life for all their hard work and anxiety? ²³ Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless.

²⁴ So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God. ²⁵ For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?^[a] 26 God gives wisdom, knowledge, and joy to those who please him. But if a sinner becomes wealthy, God takes the wealth away and gives it to those who please him. This, too, is meaningless—like chasing the wind. Ecclesiastes 2:18-26

The point of Ecclesiastes is to point to the futility or pointlessness of life without God. The over arching message of this seemingly depressing book is that life itself is a gift from God and that any enjoyment you find in life is also a gift from God. Ecclesiastes encourages the reader to find satisfaction in their work. It does not matter what work that is, since many at that time had no choice in what careers they would have, they were simply “born” into one. Being able to enjoy the simple things of life, however, is a blessing from God. Let’s see what other wisdom Ecclesiastes has to share about work.

Ecclesiastes 10:15 Fools are so exhausted by a little work that they can’t even find their way home.
10:18 Laziness leads to a sagging roof; idleness leads to a leaky house.

What the Gospels tell us about work.

In Matthew 13:55 we find out that Jesus was the “son” of a carpenter. As a son, Jesus was expected to learn his father’s trade. So Jesus learned from a very young age how to take over the family business so to speak and how to be a carpenter. Carpenters work with wood. Wood can be heavy. He didn’t use modern tools like the ones available today. Jesus had to learn how to chop, split, smooth, and shape the wood into whatever was needed to fill orders. Since Jesus did not start his ministry until 30 years old, we can safely assume that he was working as a carpenter while he learning the Old Testament scriptures prior to his ministry.

In fact, there are numerous places were Jesus uses the analogy of work to bring understanding of spiritual truths: the wise and foolish home builders (Matt 7:24-27), the analogy if a great harvest and the need for workers (Mat 9:37-38), the parables of the farmer sowing seed, the wheat and the weeds, the fishing net (Matt 13), Jesus’ teaching on how to become great in His kingdom (Matt 20:20-28),etc.. Jesus uses these analogies regarding working because everyone that he is speaking to understands the concept of work! In John 1, it tells us Jesus was the one that did all the work of making all creation in Genesis 1 and 2 and throughout all four Gospels we see Jesus doing what he calls “the Father’s work” as he heals the sick, teaches about the kingdom of heaven, and shows others what the kingdom of heaven looks like on the earth. I don’t think anyone could ever accuse Jesus of being lazy and not working. On the contrary, he was accused of working to much on more than one occasion (See Matt 12:1-14/Mark 3:1-5, Luke 13:10-17, Luke 14:1-6)!

What the Letters to the churches say.

Colossians 3:22-24 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. ²³ Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. ²⁴ Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.^[a] 25 But if you do what is wrong, you will be paid back for the wrong you have done. For God has no favorites.

Though there are no longer “slaves” and “masters,” there are employees and employers. Here Paul is encouraging believers to work hard at their jobs regardless of whether or not they are being immediately supervised. Their motive for their work should be to view working for an earthly employer as if their boss is God and they are working for Him. Paul also encourages them saying that their hard work will be rewarded by God but that the wrong they do will also be dealt with as well. The next verse also encourages “masters” or employers to treat their “slaves’ or employees justly and with fairness because they also have a master in heaven (Col. 4:1).

Let’s turn to another passage of scripture that deals with working. 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15

And now, dear brothers and sisters, we give you this command in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Stay away from all believers who live idle lives and don’t follow the tradition they received from us. ⁷ For you know that you ought to imitate us. We were not idle when we were with you. ⁸ We never accepted food from anyone without paying for it. We worked hard day and night so we would not be a burden to any of you. ⁹ We certainly had the right to ask you to feed us, but we wanted to give you an example to follow. ¹⁰ Even while we were with you, we gave you this command: “Those unwilling to work will not get to eat.”

¹¹ Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business. ¹² We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living. ¹³ As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good.

¹⁴ Take note of those who refuse to obey what we say in this letter. Stay away from them so they will be ashamed. ¹⁵ Don’t think of them as enemies, but warn them as you would a brother or sister.

If you read 2 Thessalonians as a whole, you discover that the Church in Thessalonica had received some erroneous teaching about the second coming of Jesus; specifically that Christ had already returned (2 Thess. 2:2). Paul is writing to correct that false teaching, to encourage the believers during persuctions (2 Thess 1), to encourage them to stick to what they have been taught by the Apostles (2 Thess 2:15), to personally ask for prayer (2 Thess 3:1,2), and to address the way believers are expected to be living (2 Thess 3:6-15).

Paul tells the believers to stay away from other believers who live idle lives in 3:6 and 3:14. In 3:14, the words “stay away from” is translated from the Greek mē synanamignysthai which means “not to mix up together” or “not to associate with.” The word that is translated as “idle” is the Greek ataktōs which means “irregular” or “in a disorderly manner.” Paul encourages the believers to imitate him and the other Apostles and further explains what he means by not living “in a disorderly manner” in verses 7-9. He even reminds them that while he was staying with them his motto was “those who don’t work, do not eat (verse 10)” and He, himself, also lived by this motto while he was living among them. For those of you who don’t know, Paul’s trade profession was tent making or someone who worked with leather (Acts 18:3).

Paul says that his example to them was to show them how not to be burdens to one another. The word “burden” is translated from the Greek epibarēsai which means “to put a burden on,” “to be burdensome,” formed from the words meaning “to be heavy upon,” or “to be expensive to.” While the word “work” is translated from the Greek ergazomenoi meaning “to work, trade, perform, do practice, commit, or to acquire by labor.” If we only had this passage alone that talked of the importance of working, that would be enough to encourage all believers to be working. I’m not just talking about work that you get “paid” for. Being a stay at home parent is legitimate work, homeschooling your kids is work, taking care of your aged parents is work, but on the flip side their has to be some sort of income coming in.

1 Timothy 5:8 says “But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.” I think that’s a pretty strong statement. You have denied the true faith, if you don’t help care for your own household and relatives who are no longer able to care for themselves.

This verse is tucked in a passage that is dealing with how to treat other people and how widows should be supported. First the responsibility of providing for widows (Housing, food, clothing, etc..) is placed on the family. How is one suppose to provide these things? There are a variety of ways this can be done but none of these ways can be accomplished without money. How does one get money? They work for it! Paul also tells Timothy that only widows who have no family, have lived faithfully to the Lord, and are over 60 years old should be put on the list for the Church to provide for and that any widow who is younger, should not be cared for by the church because it will ultimately lead to laziness, gossip, meddling, and talking about things they shouldn’t. Also, they may want to remarry and would ultimately break their vow of singleness to God if they did remarry. Paul also encourages young widows to remarry, to have children, and to take care there own house so that the enemy would not be able to “say anything against them” ( 1 Timothy 5). Women, were able to work outside of the home during this time period.

Just a side note, according to Roman law a girl could be married legally as young as 12 years old and a boy as young as 14. The typical age of marriage for girls in both Jewish culture and Roman culture at the time of Jesus was between 12 and 18 years old and a 5 year difference in age was normal between spouses.

It is clear that Paul expected each believer to be working in some capacity, so that they could provide for themselves and not be a burden on the whole community unless they were aged and could not provide for themselves. But the reason for working is much deeper than that. It’s not just about providing for your self and your family. It’s not just about making money. It’s about glorifying God with your life and advancing the Gospel.

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 says So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. ¹² Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ.

Christ is honored by the way we live. When those who are not Christ followers look at you, a Christ follower, what do they see about God? What testimony does your life speak about who God is, His character, His power, and His grace? Our lives are to mirror Him. If I was an unbeliever and I examine your life and see that: you have no job, you live at home with mom and dad, and you haven’t been able to sustain a healthy lasting relationship with the opposite gender. What am I to think? Is the God you serve even able to provide a job, a place of your own, a stable relationship? Is the God you serve able to bless you so that you are a blessing to others, not a leech? What kind of name have you given God by your lifestyle choices? What kind of honor does a king receive, if all his subjects are penniless and are not working? Not only that but because work is a divine institution (meaning He set it up) those who refuse to work are ultimately rebelling against God. Is your life a testimony that propels people towards Jesus, does your life show that following Christ not only brings spiritual blessings but physical blessings as well? Are you a walking, talking, living, breathing example of the power of the Gospel?

The motive to work, to achieve, to build wealth is not about ourselves, it is about bringing glory and honor to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. It is about positioning your self to be able to propel the Gospel. It’s about being a blessing to others.If God is the hardest working, most diligent and faithful being; not to mention most wealthy being in the universe His people are to reflect Him.

For more on Paul’s working life, click here for further study.

I live in a culture that tells woman every day that they can be anything that they want to. My culture tries to “empower” woman by encouraging them to get an education, enter the workforce, make money to provide for your family; to be strong and stick up for yourself, etc… However, if a woman’s dream is to just be a wife and mother, culture at large looks down at that type of woman. In some ways her peers shame her for not aspiring to be a doctor or lawyer, a scientist or engineer… “Don’t you want to change the world? Don’t you want to make a real difference in the world?”

The internal and external struggle between the roles of wife and mother or career woman, or both is real! It is so, so real. I know because I have personally lived it. I’ve struggled internally with it and externally with it. Unfortunately the way my culture has tried to “empower” me and the other women is by denying the very essences of a woman and telling her she needs to be more “manly” and at the same time demeaning men and telling them they need to be more “feminine.”

Women have bought into this lie that in order for a woman to have value and fulfillment not only do they need to be beautiful and intelligent but they have to out perform men on every playing field. Also, woman are told they have to protect themselves from men! In reality it is men who are suppose to be the protectors. I don’t know about you but that is a lot of pressure. What if what I want in life is not to be in the workforce 40+ hours a week, what if I could care less about reaching the top of the cooperate ladder? Were is the praise and admiration from magazines and newspapers that applaud the work, sweat, & tears that come with being a stay-at-home mom or homeschooling mom?

Could it be in women’s attempt to gain “power” & “influence” have we actually lost our most influential realm and traded it for poorer mental health & increased stress?

Today I look around and see so many women stressed and pushed to their limits. Don’t get me wrong, I think women do have a place in the Marketplace. Whatever your passion is as a woman, I believe you should be able to live that out, if your dream is to be a doctor or lawyer, teacher, CEO, administrator, secretary, farmer, Judge, artist, stay at home mom, whatever it is, without limitation. My caution, however, is putting so much emphasis on performance and becoming ….(whatever career that is for you) that you place such a high burden on yourself that God never intended for you to bare.

I have meet many working mothers who wish their spouses would support them in a decision to stay at home. These women are in all socioeconomic strati. Either the husband doesn’t want to work more than 40 hrs a week or doesn’t want to attain the skills and knowledge necessary in attaining a higher paying job. I know it irks my husband when he hears other men talk about the lifestyle they don’t want to loose if they supported their wife’s desire of staying home. Or it could be, she wants to stay home but between her and her husband, they have racked up so much debt that it seems impossible to live on one income! According to Debt.org the average American household has $8,398 in credit card debt, not to mention student loan debt. Lack of support from spouse and added stress of debt can be tremendously stressful on women. After all, women seek security especially in their relationships and finances.

Did you know that according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (2020) women are twice as likely than men to have Generalized Anxiety disorder, Panic disorder, or a specific phobia. Anxiety is usually caused by a fear of lack of control or fear of the unknown, which in my experience is cause by a feeling of insecurity. Women are also more likely to have Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD (ADAA, 2020). Though there are many causes of these two disorders, relational issues whether abuse, betrayal, social distance, etc.. a major factors in the development of these disorders. It is not only a biological process, I believe societies expectations , whether real or perceived, on what a woman should be doing with her life, how she should behave and physically look, as well as relationship stress all play a major role in affecting woman’s brains that lead them to these anxiety and depressive disorders. Though this is not necessarily true in every case.

Back in October, I had the most wonderful conversation with my grandmother about her life. She had quite a rough childhood. Three father figures: birth dad and two step dad’s, at a time when divorce was very uncommon. She gave her life to Christ as a child but stopped following Him until her early 20’s. My grandpa was soon to follow a few years later. It was actually the tragic death of my grandma’s mother that brought him to Christ as he tried to reconcile her death while my grandmother had such peace about her passing. At one point she had a severe bout of depression that the Lord supernaturally broke off her when she was in her 30s or 40s. She told me in our conversation that she “claimed” her victory and then fought for it by prayer, praise, and a forceful and verbal declaration (This is a story for another day). She never dealt with depression again. My grandparent’s ended up being married for 68 years, they have 5 living children, a few miscarriages, 19 grand kids, and probably just as many great grands…if not more. It was that conversation that lead me to reflect and ask the question: In women’s attempt to gain “power” & “influence” have we actually lost it and traded it for poorer mental health & increased stress?

This question came up because here I was, talking to this amazing woman of God, who has welded such incredible influence in numerous people’s lives not only inside her own home but outside as well and she never worked outside the house after she had children. Never. She was and still is completely fulfilled in her role as a wife, mother, grandmother and Christ follower. Completely. Not only that, but she has lived with such power and influence over generations of people. She has helped shape and mold countless lives. She has influenced teachers, professors, doctors, nurses, technicians, general contractors, nurse practitioners, pastors, insurance agents, missionaries, etc…. She has influenced the eternal destiny of families and generations. She wasn’t well educated (7th grade education). The only paying job she ever held was working in a chicken factory in her teen years, cutting limbs off chickens. She didn’t even live “in town” but on a farm… between towns. By modern standards, she is a nobody but in Heavens eyes and the eyes of all those who know her and knew her over the years, she was a Rock star. She poured out her life as an offering to her husband, her children, and to most of all to her God.

You see, there is a power and influence that comes with being a woman, a wife, and a mother just as there is a power and influence that comes with being a man, a husband, and a father. Just as a man does not wield his power by being womanly, a woman doesn’t wield her power by being manly. I have come to believe, women will never think like men, no matter how hard she may try and neither can a man think like a woman. Our brains are simply not “wired” the same. And there is nothing wrong with that. We may learn to understand how the other thinks and at times even try to manipulate that thinking for our own satisfaction, but we will never fully be able to become the other. Men and women are equally valuable but we are not the same (Genesis 1:26-27). We are as different as water and fire, both are incredibly important but each has a specific role to play.

In Genesis 1, God lays the foundation for what men and women’s roles were to be based on how God created each one. Men were to be providers, protectors, and fathers. While women were to be a companions, support, and mothers. The very name Eve means life, her very genetic DNA equipped her for child-rearing. She was to raise the family, while he was to support and protect the family. Both roles are vitally important. It is men who are to keep other men accountable for treating woman respectfully. Women can try but history has shown that if men are not keeping other men accountable for how they treat women than women are taken advantage of, degraded, and treated less than they should be. Men are the ones who are to protect women and children, not exploit them for their own personal gain or satisfaction. If a ship is sinking, Who gets to exit first? Women and children. If an intruder comes into the home and lines everyone up (Mom, Dad, and kids) and says I’ll let the rest of you live if one of you willing dies. Who lays down their life? The man. Ever wonder why many men get uncomfortable if their wives bring in more income than they do? God ordained them to be the providers. It is men who are suppose to be the one to put food on the table, to make sure there is enough income coming in to make sure the bills are paid. That’s suppose to be his responsibility, not hers.

I am not saying that women should not work outside the home. I am saying that it is not the woman’s primary responsibility to work outside the home. If she wants to have a career, she can do that. If she wants to raise the children and run the home, than she should be able to do that as well, without any judgement on either option. After all, being a homemaker is a lot of work.

Let’s look at the data:

• If a stay at home parent were paid for all they do, they would average over $178,000 a year!
• Many stay-at-home parents work up to 98 hours a week!
• Stay-at-home parents in the USA would be worth $1.5 Trillion if paid minimum wage.
  • Personal chef: $1365/week
  • Grocery delivery: $160/month
  • House cleaner: $1120/week
  • Childcare: $800/week
  • personal driver: $23/hr
  • Laundry service:$336/week

Now let’s examine some women mentioned in the Bible who went above and beyond “just being a wife and mom:

• Miriam- Prophetess (a prophet(ess) is one who hears directly from God on behalf of the people), musician, and co-leader with her brothers Moses and Aaron (Exodus 15, Numbers 12)
• Deborah- Prophetess, Judge (a judge in Ancient Israel is similar to what a judge in modern times does), called a Mother of Israel, and she was also asked to accompany the Military commander of the day because he was afraid to go to war without her by his side (Judges 4, 5)
• Esther- an orphan who became Queen of Persia, she saves her people from annihilation, later in the story we see her ruling the Kingdom alongside her Husband, and making legal decrees with her Uncle. (Esther)
• Proverbs 31 woman- She is the ultimate picture of a woman who “fears the Lord.” Look at what she is capable of:
  • she is wise with her resources
  • she has a strong work ethic
  • she is charge of making sure everyone gets enough to eat in her household
  • she has people who work for her
  • she buys property
  • she buys things with her own earnings
  • she make wares and sells them to merchants to sell
  • she cares for her children
  • she meets the needs of those less fortunate than herself
• Lydia- a dealer of purple cloth (this fabric was only available to the wealthy), She allowed “church service” to be held in her home and was instrumental in founding the Church of Phillipi (she may have been widowed or divorced but it is known that she was head of her household, but it is unknown if she had children)

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom since January of 2017. It was a hard decision to come to. Who was I and what did I contribute to my family if I wasn’t working? I was also a graduate student at the time, until August of 2018. I looked hard for a job for over 6 months, found one, knew that particular job wasn’t for me and stopped looking for a job and allowed myself to just enjoy being a mom and wife. My husband and I have juggled many different roles. The most stressful for me was when I was working full-time nights, in graduate school nearly full-time, 2 months newly married, and had just found out I was going to be a mom. My husband was not legally allowed to work at the time. The weight of those months until he was able to get his green card so he could go back to his previous employment (his visa had expired) weighed so heavily on me. The feeling of “everything being on me” is hard to explain. Don’t get me wrong, my husband did everything at home during that time. But I had felt that I was in a role I was never meant to be in, nor did I want. I quickly came to the conclusion that I do not want to carry the weight of being the main income provider for the household and thankfully my husband is happy and greatly fulfilled in that role.

Lord willing, I am going back into the work force on a very part-time basis, once a week. Do I have to work? No! and that is the totally freeing thing about it! I’m going to work because I want to try out this job, not because I have to bring in extra income. I want to keep up my NP and RN licenses but I want to do it on my own terms. I don’t want to be stuck in a job I don’t like or and am overly stressed about. Eve’s consequence for disobeying God in the garden was not to toil in the field, that was Adam’s, but it was to have pain in childbearing and to desire that oneness with her husband she once had prior to their sin. I want to continue to pour into my children and home school them. To catch the moments with them that pass by so quickly, to set my boys up for success in their relationships, academics, finances, etc… to pass on the wisdom that my husband and I have learned. To show them what sacrificial love looks like and to point them to the Father.

Will we have a huge home, all name brand clothes, the latest tech, brand new cars, the best that money can buy? No, but we will have what moth and rust can not destroy and thieves can not break in and steal. We will have those things that truly matter and together we will change the world, one life at a time.

In December of 2019 I told my husband I wanted 2020 to be a year that we would step back and see what God would do. Little did I know what that would really mean.

Let’s take a moment and reflect on the past year. In January of 2019 my husband said, “Amanda, I feel that change is coming for us this year.” And change did come but not in the physical sense. It was more of changes in thinking and heart matters. A change in perspective and expectations regarding many things. I think my husband thought it would be a change in his career, moving from a Wind Turbine Technician to an apprentice electrician. Which, has seemed to allude him no matter how hard he has worked to get it. “You should be a shoe in,” we heard or “they really need electricians in the area, you shouldn’t have any problems getting in with the kind of experience you have.” Well, 9 months later…nothing. I personally am not bummed about these things, God works out all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes. God has us no matter what.

Okay, back to December. After I said what I said to my husband at the beginning of the month, around Christmas he tells me “what if I join the Air Force?” “Uh, what! Excuse me? What are you even saying?” Now, I completely understand that the working environment where he currently works completely clashes with my husband’s morals and ethical convictions… not to mention the hour and fifteen minute commute to work, which has been wearing on him for … well…a while. And to be honest he has wanted out of his current job for about 2 years maybe more. So when he said he was thinking about the Air Force, I thought he was just grasping at straws trying to get out of his current job because the apprenticeship for the electrical union was not going anything like he thought it should.

So now it’s been about 3 weeks since this Air Force possibility came up and boy has the last few weeks been a whirl wind of thoughts, emotions, seeking information, prayers, and most of all seeking God’s direction for our life. To be honest it feels like we have been contemplating the Air Force for months!!! But it’s has only been a matter of weeks *deep breath. You don’t make a decision like this without counting the costs. And we have counted the cost: talked about every scenario possible, what it would mean for us as a family with two small children, what moving would be like, possible deployment, possible mental health concerns like PTSD, the initial distance with basic training (8.5 weeks) and then technical school immediately after (3-6months for most schooling), etc….

I personally have wrestled with my own concerns and fears… mainly the distance. I have full confidence in my husband’s eyes for only me, that’s not my fear but I married my husband to be with him not to be apart from him. And what about our kids not having daddy home for possibly 6 months! Skype helps but it’s not the same; everything else doesn’t bother me.

These last few weeks I’ve contemplated many things. One being the illusion of the amount of control we have over our own lives. Don’t get me wrong, I believe our actions play greatly into the life we live on Earth but there is also so much that we don’t control. I don’t control what happens to me when I step out of my house, I only control how I react to what happens to me.

Another thing has been obedience to God’s call for our lives. I actually contemplated joining the Air Force when I graduated with my BSN and was single, but I decided not to at the time. Also, my whole life I wanted to be a missionary but after college, the Lord asked me to give that dream to him & leave it at the altar. So I started volunteering with refugees, worked as a nurse, got married, got pregnant and started to go back to school for my MSN. Then my plan of being an NP kind of fell apart/got put on hold. So when I told my husband in December that I wanted to see what the Lord wanted to do with our lives this year and friend “warned” me “be prepared for anything!” —now that I think of it, that’s kind of how I meet my husband…I stopped trying to find the right man for me & told God I was sick of wasting time on anything less than His choice for me and let Him bring me my future husband—

Back to obedience… I can’t look back on what I may be leaving behind and become paralyzed with what may appear to be loss. I don’t want to be like Lot’s wife who turned to a pillar of salt because she was afraid of what she was “loosing” when God had told them to leave because destruction was coming. Abraham had no details of where he was going when God told him go to a place I will show you, leave behind your people and your country. Abraham simply obeyed; he picked up His household and moved and God did amazing things. I don’t want to live for this life alone but for the one to come. If we feel this is the call of God for our lives and we don’t go, what will I say to God on judgment day when he asks “Amanda, why did you not obey when I called you?” What will my response be? “Oh, uh, sorry Lord, I was afraid so I stayed?” Or “sorry Lord, that assignment was too inconvenient, I couldn’t go.” The list of excuses could go on: I didn’t know what I was getting myself into so I didn’t want to go, I don’t want to live far from my parents, I don’t want to move every four years with the military, my husband might be sent to war if we do that, i didn’t want to adjust my lifestyle to a military salary, the list goes on. But like I told my husband, I don’t want to focus on what we might miss out on by leaving but I want to focus on what we could gain by going. I don’t want to say no to what God is calling us to just because I don’t understand or know what it entails. I want to stand before God and hear him say “Amanda! My good and faithful servant, welcome home. Here is the reward of your obedience…” Besides, following God’s plan is far more exciting than following after my own.

A girl I know had a word spoken over her… I made you for the tough places… maybe the toughest place of all is getting to that place of total surrender, total trust, in the God who created it all and weaves our lives so intricately together. The One who knows it all, while we feel left in the dark at times, while He calls out this way, trust me, I am with you.

We finish our fast next week. We already have our answer. US Air Force here we come. My husband will enlist after our fast, at the end of the month or the beginning of February. I have total peace & am excited about the days to come. Already the pieces are coming together. Now we just have to let people know of our decision… which we will slowly do so after our fast is over.

Stay tuned for more in the following weeks to come.

Last week I got to talk with my grandma about her earlier years and more specifically my grandparents early marriage. My grandpa passed last December following a massive stroke. They were married for 68 years. In talking with my grandma, I discovered that she had 3 father figures (her father and 2 step fathers). None of them stayed around: the first was adulterous, the second enlisted and was never seen again, while the third left my grandmother’s life shortly after her mother died. My grandma was in her early 20’s at this time and already married to my grandpa with 4 children. My grandpa’s parents, on the other hand, were only ever married to each other and never divorced.

So how did they do it? How did they remain married for 68 years and never “fall out of love?” I’ve asked my grandma this question before. Her remark was “I have no idea, we have nothing in common.” Personality wise they are completely different but they did hold this in common: they each came to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior and they never even consider divorce as an option.

My husband and I started off pretty rocky in our dating relationship. To be honest there were a few times that we each thought the dating relationship was going to end. We came from two very different Church backgrounds: Catholicism and Pentecostal**. He would say that he was always a believer but didn’t become a follower of Jesus until his 20’s. A few months prior to dating, he had released to God his desire to become a husband and that if God did not have in his time plan for him marriage, he would be okay with that. Also, I had released to the Lord a relationship that I had really wanted but had finally came to the conclusion that this particular person was not the person God had for me and that I was no longer going to “look” and waste my time and emotions on someone who wasn’t going to reciprocate them and when the time was right, God would bring the right person along.

Initially, I was attracted to my husband out of pure curiosity. He was like no Catholic I had ever met and this intrigued me. All he cared about was Jesus; not the Saints, Mary, or the rosary. Just Jesus and what the Bible has to say was truth. A few months prior he became interested in me because of a surprised greeting that he had witness between me and a fellow Japanese student that I had met the year prior in a completely different State. My husband later told me that it was this excitement he saw that made him wish that someday someone would be that excited to see him that drew him to me.

In those early months of dating we found out our grandparents had been married the same year (1950) and were still married. The Lord did a lot of work to get us on the same page and I remember asking God many times to change things that I didn’t like, either in myself or in him. Never have I seen the Lord answer my prayers so quickly and consistently as I have in that dating period. I personally think it was because I had previously decided that I was not going to waste my time in a relationship that wasn’t from Him (God) and He was kind in showing me that it was from Him; even though I had many opportunities to “flee.”

A year and a half later we were married. We’ve been married for 5 and a half years now. I still remember about a month or two into our marriage I asked my husband what love meant to him and he very simply said “commitment.” At the time, I was surprised by the statement. It was just one simple word but it helped build a confidence in my husband’s love for me.

It’s been five and half years since my husband and I got married. Though we may never reach 68 years of marriage our goal is to fulfill our vows til death do we part. A little over a year ago we were given a book called Love and Respect. We read it separately and then went on a date to connect. I had just finished my masters degree that took me four years to complete and we had a 3.5 year old at home as well as a baby on the way. The book was so eye opening for both my husband and I. It really paved the way to bring us each a better understanding of one another. It also helped me understand myself better too. As well as to recognize the attitudes and behaviors that lead us to spin on the Crazy Cycle (without Respect he reacts without Love, without Love she reacts without respect) and how to get off!

The other two cycles are The Energizing Cycle (with Respect he reacts with Love, with Love she reacts with Respect) and the Rewarded Cycle (regardless of his Love, she reacts with Respect and regardless of her Respect, he reacts with Love). At the end of the book the author argues that a crisis in marriage is really a crisis of our Faith; Do you believe the Bible to be true?

How we act towards our spouse in marriage ultimately reflects how we treat Christ (Eph 6:7-8, Matt 25:37-40,45). For husbands, “unconditional love reveals a husband’s imitation of Christ and thus love for Christ. He shows his love for Christ as he loves his wife” (Eph 5:2,25, 29; 1 John 4:21). While for wives, “unconditional respect reveals a wife’s reverence for Christ. She shows her reverence for Christ as she respects her husband” (Titus 2:3-5, Eph 5:21-22, 33, 6:7). Also, the author drives home the point that our obedience to the word of God will ultimately be rewarded (Eph 6:7-8,2 Cor 5:10, Matt 5:46, Luke 6:32-34, 1 Peter 2:20).

In marriage we are responsible for our own actions, not the actions of our spouse. “My response is my responsibility. This reveals who I am. My spouse does not cause me to be the way I am but they reveal the way I am” (Mark 7:21-23). Also, our actions can be powerful in winning over our spouse to the Lord, if they are not yet saved and living how God intended ( 1 Peter 3:1-2, 15-16, 1 Cor 7:16, Hosea 3:1).

A joyful Marriage for a lifetime is only possible as we treat one another as we would Christ. We can’t deny our spouse of their deepest need (Women => love, men => respect) and expect them to act in ways that meet our deepest needs. Also, We can’t do it without the empowerment of Holy Spirit. As a wife that means I must choose to respect my husband regardless of his behavior* and ask Holy Spirit to help me accomplish this. For my husband that means he chooses to love me regardless of my behavior towards him and also asks Holy Spirit to help him accomplish this.

I believe this was the secret my grandparents discovered, even if my grandmother could not place it in words. Looking back on their relationship together and witnessing how they treated one another even in their disagreements it was done Respectfully by my grandmother and Lovingly by my grandfather. They were committed to seeing their marriage through until death parted them. The same commitment is true for both my husband and my parents. As well as my husband and me; we are committed to seeing it through until death. Have we always acted in ways that have come across respectful or loving? No! But we are learning each other and what that looks like for each of us. And thankfully one of us notices when we start to spin of that Crazy Cycle so that we can quickly get off and get back to building each other up.

**When I say Pentecostal I am talking about churches that believe the Holy Spirit is for believers today and that his ministry did not die out with the Early Church Apostles. Not people who handle snakes and other bizarre behaviors. For a more thorough teaching on Holy Spirit see Robert Morris’ book “The God I never knew” or see his video preaching series.

*I am not talking about abusive behavior of any kind here, but am talking about those moments where either a tone or behavior is interpreted as unloving or disrespectful.