So back in June my husband and I found out that we were going to have our third child. We had always wanted three children. We agreed upon three prior to getting married and still felt we could handle three children after having two boys. To be honest each pregnancy has been easy in it’s own way. The physical state of being pregnant has always been easy for me, thank God; no morning sickness, no complications in labor or delivery, just minor discomforts due to being larger than normal and feeling like a beached whale in my third trimester. Anyone else know the feeling?
The hard part about being pregnant for me has just been life situations and circumstances. With the eldest, I found out I was pregnant just after a month of being a newlywed and was in the beginning of my graduate school “battle.” I was working nights as a RN (nurse) full time and my husband was temporarily unable to work due to immigration status. With the second child: my sister-in-law was living with us part of the time, I was finishing grad school, but I was no longer working nights as an RN. School had been extremely time consuming, as well as, a mental and emotional battle to get to the end and not give up. I was so excited to finish and so proud of all the work I had put in to make it to the end. I love learning, the clinic was enjoyable, but the academic rigor and time crunch with all my other responsibilities was stressful.
Now with the last one, the situation is completely different: no school, no work,and no people living at my house who are not a part of my nuclear family. However, there has been a pandemic going on, I’ve had extra ultrasounds due to having a placenta previa at 20 weeks (which I’ll find out January 5th if it has completely resolved), I’ve been homeschooling the eldest for Kindergarten, plus I have a soon to be two year old (Jan ’21). The fact that COVID-19 is here has never really bothered me. It’s the lock-downs and restrictions that are the bothersome parts for me. The fact that we can’t go to church if any of my kids has a cold, and so we miss out on social things. The hesitancy to spend time with others out of respect for other people’s fears about COVID. The social aspect has been probably the most difficult thing about COVID not actually having COVID while pregnant in October (I had really mild symptoms).
Recently I realized that I’m just feeling a little burn out as a Mom. Being a stay at home mom can been so rewarding but also difficult. The pandemic has made it difficult to get time to “fill my cup.” When you stay at home the role of mom is constant. The cleaning, cooking, and laundry never ends. The kids are always with you, especially with homeschooling. The whining, fighting, melt downs, sibling bickering seem to outshine those peaceful and fun times. It. Never. Stops. At least it seems like it. Does anyone else ever feel that way or am I the only one?
Two weeks, the eldest and I made it to 100 days of school. We had such a fun day but in my 5 year old’s mind school was over at 100 days (which I never said was the case). We made it through 2 more lessons and they were rough. That Friday prior to Christmas he proclaimed, “I want 100 days off of school! School is bad! (Everything he doesn’t want to do at the moment is bad, lol). I flatly replied, “You will have a 100 day break. It’s called the summer.” So the weeks of Christmas and New Years we are just taking a break. We both need it. I wanted to be farther along and be finished with the school year before the 3rd one comes in February. HA! Lofty thinking! However, reaching that goal isn’t worth it, even though homeschooling Kindergarten just takes a few hours every day.
Tuesday of last week I had my 34 week OB appointment early in the morning and arranged for my mom to watch the kids all day. I really needed it. After my appointment I met up with one of my mom’s friends who happens to also be one of my brother’s mother-in-law but I knew her before they all did (I have 3 brothers). We had a great time together. She also was a stay at home mom for a season and had all of her children (5) about 2 years apart. She encouraged me to set aside time for myself at least once a week and a set up a date night with my husband once a week. “I would have went crazy without time by myself and with ladies my own age to connect with! You need this for your own sanity!,” is what she told me. After my meeting with her I had a lunch date with my husband that I had set up previously, and then went shopping for myself and to get groceries. It was such a refreshing day!
The week-end before my meeting with her I talked to my husband about my feelings of burnt out and how my life just seems so boring at this point. He, too, agreed that I needed time without the kids on a regular basis. I also started reading the book “48 Days To The Work You Love” by Dan Miller. In chapter two he writes “I’m totally confident of this: if you are not trying something right now where you have a strong possibility of failure, you’re life is boring.” When I read that I thought to myself, “That’s me right now!” The ironic thing is I bought this book for my husband back in March, which he didn’t end up reading because things changed at his workplace and with that one change he discovered he really likes his current workplace and position. Now I’m reading the book and it’s really speaking to me. It’s helping me to define the way I view work, even work as a mom. The book, with the questions, requires introspection on my part. I find the content applicable even to me as a stay at home mom, especially the first chapter: “What is work.”
This isn’t my first experience of burn out in my life. I had a similar experience as a nurse working nights on a med-surg floor. For me, burn out is a warning sign that something needs to change. In this situation it’s due to lack of “self-care,” which happens to be a lack of time away from the kids (even just a few hours), doing something that I really enjoy, and being with friends on a regular basis. Also, I found focusing on what I have and not what I don’t have helps bring a sense of peace, gratitude, and contentment. This week has been a lot better emotionally and with the kids. My husband has been great about giving me some time to myself and we have been more intentional about having date nights. I believe that I first had to admit what I was feeling and acknowledge it. Only then could I reach out for help and support from my husband and others. You can’t address a problem that you don’t believe is there in the first place.
I know I’m not the only experiencing burnout. It can be experienced by anyone. If you or someone you love is experiencing burnout reach out to someone or have a conversation about what you perceive to be happening. Talk about how you feel and be honest. Brainstorm some ideas on how to practice self care: like connecting with friends or a friend on a weekly basis, go for a walk or participate in some other form of exercise, pick up a hobby or do something else that you enjoy or have always wanted to try. If it’s your job that you are experiencing burnout it in, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate whether the job is the right fit for you, your values, passions, and personality. Maybe the job is the right job but the work environment is sucking the life out of you. There is nothing wrong with looking for work elsewhere. Find a way to fill your cup each and everyday. I know that I’m going to!






