Category: homeschooling

Mom burn out and pregnant

Ruby BlossomLeave a comment

So back in June my husband and I found out that we were going to have our third child. We had always wanted three children. We agreed upon three prior to getting married and still felt we could handle three children after having two boys. To be honest each pregnancy has been easy in it’s own way. The physical state of being pregnant has always been easy for me, thank God; no morning sickness, no complications in labor or delivery, just minor discomforts due to being larger than normal and feeling like a beached whale in my third trimester. Anyone else know the feeling?

The hard part about being pregnant for me has just been life situations and circumstances. With the eldest, I found out I was pregnant just after a month of being a newlywed and was in the beginning of my graduate school “battle.” I was working nights as a RN (nurse) full time and my husband was temporarily unable to work due to immigration status. With the second child: my sister-in-law was living with us part of the time, I was finishing grad school, but I was no longer working nights as an RN. School had been extremely time consuming, as well as, a mental and emotional battle to get to the end and not give up. I was so excited to finish and so proud of all the work I had put in to make it to the end. I love learning, the clinic was enjoyable, but the academic rigor and time crunch with all my other responsibilities was stressful.

Now with the last one, the situation is completely different: no school, no work,and no people living at my house who are not a part of my nuclear family. However, there has been a pandemic going on, I’ve had extra ultrasounds due to having a placenta previa at 20 weeks (which I’ll find out January 5th if it has completely resolved), I’ve been homeschooling the eldest for Kindergarten, plus I have a soon to be two year old (Jan ’21). The fact that COVID-19 is here has never really bothered me. It’s the lock-downs and restrictions that are the bothersome parts for me. The fact that we can’t go to church if any of my kids has a cold, and so we miss out on social things. The hesitancy to spend time with others out of respect for other people’s fears about COVID. The social aspect has been probably the most difficult thing about COVID not actually having COVID while pregnant in October (I had really mild symptoms).

Recently I realized that I’m just feeling a little burn out as a Mom. Being a stay at home mom can been so rewarding but also difficult. The pandemic has made it difficult to get time to “fill my cup.” When you stay at home the role of mom is constant. The cleaning, cooking, and laundry never ends. The kids are always with you, especially with homeschooling. The whining, fighting, melt downs, sibling bickering seem to outshine those peaceful and fun times. It. Never. Stops. At least it seems like it. Does anyone else ever feel that way or am I the only one?

Two weeks, the eldest and I made it to 100 days of school. We had such a fun day but in my 5 year old’s mind school was over at 100 days (which I never said was the case). We made it through 2 more lessons and they were rough. That Friday prior to Christmas he proclaimed, “I want 100 days off of school! School is bad! (Everything he doesn’t want to do at the moment is bad, lol). I flatly replied, “You will have a 100 day break. It’s called the summer.” So the weeks of Christmas and New Years we are just taking a break. We both need it. I wanted to be farther along and be finished with the school year before the 3rd one comes in February. HA! Lofty thinking! However, reaching that goal isn’t worth it, even though homeschooling Kindergarten just takes a few hours every day.

Tuesday of last week I had my 34 week OB appointment early in the morning and arranged for my mom to watch the kids all day. I really needed it. After my appointment I met up with one of my mom’s friends who happens to also be one of my brother’s mother-in-law but I knew her before they all did (I have 3 brothers). We had a great time together. She also was a stay at home mom for a season and had all of her children (5) about 2 years apart. She encouraged me to set aside time for myself at least once a week and a set up a date night with my husband once a week. “I would have went crazy without time by myself and with ladies my own age to connect with! You need this for your own sanity!,” is what she told me. After my meeting with her I had a lunch date with my husband that I had set up previously, and then went shopping for myself and to get groceries. It was such a refreshing day!

The week-end before my meeting with her I talked to my husband about my feelings of burnt out and how my life just seems so boring at this point. He, too, agreed that I needed time without the kids on a regular basis. I also started reading the book “48 Days To The Work You Love” by Dan Miller. In chapter two he writes “I’m totally confident of this: if you are not trying something right now where you have a strong possibility of failure, you’re life is boring.” When I read that I thought to myself, “That’s me right now!” The ironic thing is I bought this book for my husband back in March, which he didn’t end up reading because things changed at his workplace and with that one change he discovered he really likes his current workplace and position. Now I’m reading the book and it’s really speaking to me. It’s helping me to define the way I view work, even work as a mom. The book, with the questions, requires introspection on my part. I find the content applicable even to me as a stay at home mom, especially the first chapter: “What is work.”

This isn’t my first experience of burn out in my life. I had a similar experience as a nurse working nights on a med-surg floor. For me, burn out is a warning sign that something needs to change. In this situation it’s due to lack of “self-care,” which happens to be a lack of time away from the kids (even just a few hours), doing something that I really enjoy, and being with friends on a regular basis. Also, I found focusing on what I have and not what I don’t have helps bring a sense of peace, gratitude, and contentment. This week has been a lot better emotionally and with the kids. My husband has been great about giving me some time to myself and we have been more intentional about having date nights. I believe that I first had to admit what I was feeling and acknowledge it. Only then could I reach out for help and support from my husband and others. You can’t address a problem that you don’t believe is there in the first place.

I know I’m not the only experiencing burnout. It can be experienced by anyone. If you or someone you love is experiencing burnout reach out to someone or have a conversation about what you perceive to be happening. Talk about how you feel and be honest. Brainstorm some ideas on how to practice self care: like connecting with friends or a friend on a weekly basis, go for a walk or participate in some other form of exercise, pick up a hobby or do something else that you enjoy or have always wanted to try. If it’s your job that you are experiencing burnout it in, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate whether the job is the right fit for you, your values, passions, and personality. Maybe the job is the right job but the work environment is sucking the life out of you. There is nothing wrong with looking for work elsewhere. Find a way to fill your cup each and everyday. I know that I’m going to!

Homeschooling attempt: year two.

Ruby BlossomLeave a comment

Last September I started home schooling my eldest son. It was more of a trial run than anything else. I didn’t really know what I was doing and just going through worksheets was super boring for him but he loved the learning videos from preschool prep and watching educational shows on PBS is always a favorite.

This year I decided to do things differently. I found the Abeka program last year and had liked the principles behind the program. Plus the program had a great track record and had been around since the 1960’s (I think). So I bought the complete student and parent set. When the materials came, my son was super excited to get started. He loved all the colorful materials. “We had this at my school!” he exclaimed…. lol the 3 weeks he was actually in a preschool (to be honest I’m surprised he even remembered).

We actually started our school year last month. I live in a state that is very home school friendly and provides 5 different options for homeschooling, even a “hybrid”of sorts between homeschooling and public schooling. My hope is to be completed with Kindergarten by February. My husband and I are expecting our third child mid-Feb. and I am not particularly thrilled about homeschooling with a newborn and a 2 year old. But that’s the beauty of homeschooling, you can be flexible. If we don’t get it done, we’ll just complete the year with everyone else in May.

We have completed almost 30 lessons so far. A typical school year has 170 lessons. Abeka can be a little repetitive, they do this so the student learns the content thoroughly. For young children, I think this helps build confidence and my son doesn’t seem to mind too much. Plus I don’t mind skipping through/shortening some of the repetition if my son knows the content backwards and forwards already. He certainly is mastering the short sounds of the vowels and letter blends(B,L,M,N,T so far with the vowels) , which I believe will give him a strong foundation for reading.

Have we had a few struggles? Yep, a couple. Today he made a stink about completing school outside in the shade. “It’s too hot! (it wasn’t) I’ll get sweaty (he didn’t)! I’ll be too distracted outside (he wasn’t). If we do school outside I’m just gonna scream!!!! (nice try buddy; he didn’t scream at all).” Another day, He decided to write all over the table with his pencil, which earned him some corner time. He had a choice to complete corner time immediately or after school was over. He hates corner time and tried to throw a fit and claimed he wasn’t doing corner time or finishing school for the day. At which I replied, “no problem, we’ll just finish it first tomorrow before we move on with the new day.” He fussed a little more but ultimately decided he would do corner time now so he could finish school and then watch his show because he knows the corner time will eventually get done one way or another so he can either make things fun or not fun. Plus he was only going to get to watch his second show for the day after he completed school (which He knew before we started school for the day) and he really wanted his second show. Most days go smoothly for school but there are also those days, just like any other that have a few bumps in the road.

The most important thing is consistency. If you, as the parent are consistent then it makes everything so much easier for the kids. Not just in homeschooling but consistency in parenting, especially when it comes to boundaries. Boundaries are the key to thriving, boundaries in relationships both professional and personal, boundaries in the workplace amongst coworkers, departments, and job descriptions, boundaries in the car, boundaries between governments whether local, state, or federal, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. However, boundaries are only as good as often as they are enforced (consistency). I’ve spent the last 5 years setting and reinforcing firm but loving boundaries with my son and that is what makes homeschooling a smooth and mostly enjoyable process. And if I am enjoying the time spent teaching him, he is also enjoying it.

So here is what homeschooling Kindergarten is looking like for us this year: We have fun in the morning as much as we can. We will walk to the local park, play in the back yard, hangout with friends or go on a “Field trip” (zoo, children’s museum, the ‘farm’) etc… Then we have lunch. I put the youngest to bed for his afternoon nap and when I am done we start school. Mostly we have school at the kitchen table, we’ve had class at grandma’s house at a picnic table outside before, as well as, at a desk chair in our backyard. We generally finish the lesson around 60-90 minutes, depending on the mood, and then we are “done” for the day. I use the term “done” in reference to formal schooling but there are all types of learning and teaching moments that happen throughout the day. We have a small square foot garden in the yard that we frequent daily, we look at bugs outside, and the boys have lots of unstructured playtime inside and out. He gets two shows a day, which are generally educational cartoons on PBS, Prime, or Rightnow media. With the occasional Zerby Derby, Leap frog, or Rescue bots on the Roku Kids and Family Channel.

So am I concerned my son is missing out by not going to public or private school? Nope, not at all. He gets to be more active than if he was sitting at a desk all day. He still gets interaction with other kids his age or around his age… sometimes older kids too. Plus he gets one on one attention when it comes to learning that can be tailored to him, that’s more than what he would get in a “regular” school.

I’m sure we will have some ups and downs this school year (I don’t know any teacher who doesn’t) but I am confident we will be just fine. I don’t know how long I will home school but for now this works for use. Do I look down on those who choose not to home school? No! Not at all! Do I think more highly of those who chose to home school? Nope, not one bit. We, parents as a collective whole, all have to decide what is best for our families given the unique circumstances we are in. I can’t decided that for anyone but my own children and no one else can decided that for mine. So whatever you have decided for your children this year, do it joyfully and with full confidence that it’s all going to be okay.

My $100,000 Journey into Home Schooling and “Staying” Home

Ruby BlossomLeave a comment

Every woman who chooses to be a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) and to homeschool does so for different reasons. For some women being a SAHM is very intentional and for others it happens by accident. Homeschooling, on the other hand, is always intentional. The decision to stay home with my children and to personally educate them was a VERY long process. It took me 5 years of married life and two children later to come to this decision and the outcome of saying “yes” to being a SAHM and to homeschool would have been a complete surprise to me even just 1-2 years ago. Yet, here I am. It’s official. I am a SAHM and I have taken on the responsibility of educating my child on everything they need to know to be successful not only in the world but academically. Thank God I made this decision now while my eldest son is only 4 years old, I have time to figure this homeschool thing out. If it wasn’t for a recent event, I may have eventually come to this decision in a few years.  

Being a SAHM was never something I considered as a serious option for me. My mom was a SAHM and we didn’t see eye to eye growing up. My view of the type of person a SAHM was how I interpreted my mom’s belief about herself and her own capabilities. Growing up she seemed “weak.” She didn’t seem to have a healthy self-esteem or a belief in her own capabilities. My dad, on the other hand, was confident, knowledgeable, and in my eyes he could do anything he put his mind too. I wanted to be like that: strong, confident, smart. In high school, my younger brother and I even wanted to be homeschooled but the response we got from our mom was that she was not smart enough to homeschool us because we were in classes that she had never even taken and she had not gone on to college. It wasn’t until I got married and started having children of my own, that I began to truly appreciate my mother and the value of “staying home.”

After High School I went to a private Christian College, Northwestern College to study Nursing. To be honest, my mom had more faith in my ability to make it through nursing school my first year of college than I did! The program was tough and that first year I doubted myself a lot but she encouraged me over the phone. I remember one of my friends telling me that someday I was going to make a great mom and have like 10 kids! I remember screaming in my head “NOOOO! Ten kids! I don’t think so! I have plans and dreams. I’m nowhere ready to have kids.” After 5 years of college I graduated with my BSN and began the rite of passage of paying off student loans. I remember paying 2 grand a month for the first 9 months after graduation and then after that whatever extra money I had I threw it at my debt (Thank you Dave Ramsey and FPU).

About a year after graduation, I meet my husband and we got married a few years later. I had paid off the majority of my school debt prior to us getting married and after we got married we made the last payment to my student loans ($75,000 in less than 4 years!). About a month after we had gotten married, I had gone back to school. I was tired of my nursing job and wanted a change. I didn’t like what I was doing anymore and wanted to do something different. So, I did what I thought seemed like the next logically step: become a Nurse Practitioner. I had always wanted to go on in school and I liked learning new things and didn’t mind studying. I also liked certain aspects of nursing but didn’t want to be working nights and holidays in a hospital my whole life. About a month into school we discovered I was pregnant. My husband was thrilled. I, on the other hand, deeply questioned what on earth the Lord was thinking! I was working nights full time, taking 5 credits in grad school, and my husband legally could not work while he waited to get his green card after we got married. I was like “God! Seriously, this is not a good time right now. Don’t you think a few years from now… like when I’m done with school would be a better time? Or after my husband gets a job?” This was a crisis of faith for me at that point.

When my son was about 3 months old, I went from full time to part time. At about 9 months I went down to casual and about 18 months I quit my job all together and just went to school full time because I felt that it was taking way to long. Completely, quitting my job was the hardest decision I ever made. It made me nervous to quit. I didn’t know if we could make it on one income and pay for my school as well. My husband refused to allow me to apply for any student loans and chose to work overtime at his job. I applied for scholarships and received one for $2,000 and prior to resigning from my job I told my husband I would only do it if we had a certain amount of money in our savings account. When I stepped across that stage August of 2018, I graduated debt free, 6 months pregnant, and we had only $2000 in savings. God proved Himself faithful. Time and time again He has shown me that he takes care of us and provides for us when we trust in Him.

September of 2018, I passed my licensing exam to practice as a Family Nurse Practitioner. Since I live near a state border, I became licensed in 2 states. However, I did not start looking for employment until April of this year when my second son turned about 3 months old. Where I live NP jobs are competitive to obtain when you are an entry level candidate. It took about 6 months of actively applying to multiple jobs that I finally got a job offer. Actually, I had gotten 2 job offers within a week to a week in a half of each other after getting numerous No’s from other places. I had really wanted the second offer but had already signed a contract with the other company and the contract was expensive to get out of.

After signing this contract, I remember having a brief conversation with a friend in which I clearly remember stating “I never wanted to be a stay at home mom or homeschool my children.” After making that statement I stopped myself and asked “Why do I feel that way. What are my hindrances to Homeschooling?”  I had already had about 3 years of practice being a SAHM outside of the 2 years of school and clinic hours I had to complete, so I had already worked through some of those feelings but what about this homeschooling thing? After that conversation I started to evaluate my thoughts and feelings about homeschooling. I started doing research into Homeschool laws for my state, what curriculum was available, what was the time commitment, etc… and then I started imagining what life could look like homeschooling. In anticipation for me going back to work we had already enrolled our oldest into a preschool and trying to restructure our schedule into being to school a little before 8 and picking him up at 3:15. To be honest, it was rather annoying because there were quite a few times I had to wake up our infant up from sleeping to go get his older brother to/from school.

Then came that fateful week of work. I’ll keep it brief. There are certain expectations I have when it comes to being employed by a company: 1) They are respectful of my time. 2) They are prepared and organized for my arrival. 3) I feel supported in my new role, especially as a new grad. 4) I can trust the people I will be working with to a degree. I was only employed there 3 days. One of those days was on-line training and the other 2 days were in the facility. By the end of three days it was clear to me that none of the four things listed above was going to happen anytime soon. The whole experience was super stressful for me and I actually ended up getting sick after resigning. Thankfully, because the experience was so bad and supposedly nothing had never happened like this before in the 7 year history of the company, I was completely released from my contract and did not have to pay anything for terminating the contract prior to completing one year of service.

The week prior to this happening, I had told my husband that I wanted to try working for a year to see if I enjoyed it and if I didn’t, I would be a SAHM and homeschool. After those three days, I knew I did not want to be working for a while. It was almost as if God had set up the whole thing to show me that working outside the home was not what he wanted me to be doing right now and that investing in my children at home is the work he has called me to in this season.  Though being at home and teaching the kids may be challenging at times and they may get on my nervous, at least none of them will ever be suing me. Plus, they are my kids, whom I love. God has placed them under my care to raise, educate, and nurture. Though I may not have initially thought His timing was perfect, I wouldn’t trade my children for anything and would hate to imagine my life without them.

And my husband, well he is thrilled. He has asked me to be a SAHM off and on for the last 4 years now. My parents are supportive. My grandma will be very happy once she finds out… she told my mom if I was going to have more kids, I should stay home. lol. My mother-in-law, well, my husband told me that she thought it would be great for the kids and that if I was happy about it then that was even better (She doesn’t speak much English and I don’t speak much Italian). My friends are excited for me, especially the ones that already homeschool.

As for myself, those 3 days of work made this the easiest “yes” it could have been. I’m excited for the adventure ahead. There are so many possibilities that lay ahead. I’ve even contemplated staying with my in-laws for a time just so my kids can practice their Italian and we can learn about Italian History and Europe while actually being there!!!! How fun! In a way I feel so freed from the constraints of traditional school schedules and I’m so thankful for a husband who finds great pleasure in being the one God uses to provide for us through the work of his hands. Some may say it was a waste to go through all that schooling but he doesn’t see it that way. He would rather have had me go through it and have no linger thoughts of regret. I may enter the paid workforce again someday but only when I feel a clear direction from the Lord that going back is what He has planned for me. I still plan to keep my RN and APRN licenses. I worked hard for those and I’m not going to let them just slip away.  

Thanks for reading! I plan on keeping my proceeding posts shorter.