Tag: Christian Life

Change of plans

Ruby BlossomLeave a comment

Do you ever have those times when you think you heard God correctly but then you later realize you were completely off?

Well, that’s what happened with us. In my last post I said that my husband was going to join the military. He thought through a series of events and dreams and conversations that he had the Lord was leading him to join the Air Force. However, once we started heading in that direction and the whole process just started slowing way down. We had fasted and prayed and seek to Lord’s direction and we thought we were right. Well, my husband thought that we were right. I didn’t feel strongly either way, however, I wanted to be supportive and encouraging and willing to do whatever the Lord had called us to do. Even if that meant joining the Air Force.

So, in my last post He had began his application, or was about too. He had also submitted his application for citizenship in as well. The citizenship application seemed to be going rather quickly but then after starting the Air Force application it appeared to slow waaaaaaaaay doooowwwwnnn. Initially he had submitted his application in the first week of January, the week after he received a notification that his payment had been received and then another week passed and he had received a date for his biometrics for 2 weeks later (fingerprints and background check). We were surprised to go through those two steps so quickly and thought the process would continue just as rapidly. Shortly after the Air Force recruiter told him that since he was not a citizen the jobs he would qualify would be limited. My husband told the recruiter he would wait for his citizen to go through, after all, it was going so quickly.

A few days after this conversation my husband received a notification that the wait times for interviews for citizenship were already into June or July! This brought a crushing blow to my husband who really wanted to be out of his current job and move on. The reality that He may be a Wind Tech until at least June and that he would not even be close to done with basic training and technical training in the Air Force until next year weighed heavily on him. This brought us to a very important conversation.

One day after coming home from work, I could tell he was just so at the end of himself with his current workplace. The driving had been wearing on him (66 miles one way), the lack of professionalism, integrity, and work ethic had also been wearing him down these last 3 years. The stress was physically making him sick. So I turned to my husband after dinner and told him I would look for a job and he could take some time, stay home with the kids and figure out what he wants to be doing and should be doing. After all, it’s not like like I’m a high school drop out. I could make great money working as a nurse practitioner and I could always go back to regular nursing. After that statement, I went up stairs, applied for a job and told him I applied for one I thought I would enjoy and then proceeded to put the kids to bed. When I came down the stairs I saw my husband intensely looking at the computer. So I asked him, “What are you doing?” “I’m getting a job,” He replied.

That night he comes into the bedroom to talk about this predicament. We had a great discussion over whether or not we were heading down the path God wanted us to go and if he was interpreting his dreams correctly. I told him I didn’t think we were because it seemed like we kept hitting road blocks. First he tried so hard to join the IBEW (the local electrical union) for over a year, then he started on the path to citizenship which seemed like it was going quickly but then all of a sudden slowed way down after deciding to join the Air Force, and then the Air Force process got delayed because he wasn’t a citizen. So, I was like, “Honey. Do you think there is a pattern here? It doesn’t seem like any of these are working out.” I had kept telling him with the IBEW attempt that it didn’t matter if he worked 100 hours a week at is Wind Tech job if the Lord said “no,” he would never get in it. Or he could work only his 40 hours a week and not put in all the overtime and if the Lord wanted him there he would get in. We had fasted and prayed, we had submitted the plans to the Lord, we had sought His guidance.

Regarding the one dream he had with the guy calling him and telling him he thought the Air Force was a better fit for him than Wind Energy. I asked my husband if maybe it was the Lord showing him that it was the guys opinion of where he should be and not God’s opinion, since it was the man who had said “I think the Air Force is a better fit.”

Anyway, that night the Lord was about to answer our prayers in a BIG WAY. My husband applied for 6 jobs that night that had to do with his 3rd grade Engineering license that he had earned in the first year we had been married, prior to getting his dream job as a Wind Tech; which he loved the actual work just not the environment. Within a few hours he was contacted for a job interview. The next day he was called by 4 HR ladies from different companies in the following order: Amanda, Amber, Ann, and Annesley. That day he had an interview with the company Ann worked for. The following day he received a job offer. The day after that he took the job, after discussing it with me of course.

My husband was completely blown away by the whole situation. Not only did he take the job with the company that called him 3rd that day, all the HR ladies called him in alphabetical order (I noticed that detail), they offered him a high wage than what he was getting in Wind, the benefits were just as good, the drive would change from 66 miles one way to 15 miles, and …..drum roll please….dum dum dum dum dum dum, the whole process took 3 days! After waiting and waiting for months! I personally felt like the Lord totally just swung open the door for him to be at his new job of employment.

This week marks the first week of his new job as a Building Engineer. After the first day, he already knew why God wanted him there: His immediate supervisor, Mark. Apparently the man is a chatter box only with my husband… and he has shared quite a bit about himself within the first few days. Mark doesn’t know Jesus. My husband wants to show him what a Christ follower looks like. From what it sounds like Mark has tried to avoid all the other Christians at their work place but now Mark gets to work with one every day. I think Jesus is wanting Mark to enter the Kingdom of heaven and has chosen to partner my husband with Holy Spirit to make this happen. So pray for Mark today, that Jesus would be revealed to him and pray for my husband to be a witness and to bring Glory to God in how he works and interacts with those around him.

Have you ever thought God was leading you one way only to discover that you heard wrong? Who are the people that God is highlighting to you at your workplace that He loves and may be prompting you to step out and partner with Holy Spirit to bring them into the Kingdom?

Coming to Terms with Family Strife

Ruby BlossomLeave a comment

There is no particular person to pinpoint as the cause of any of our family division or strife, some people just happen to be the ones God uses to bring to notice the reality of family discord that was already there, hiding under the surface.

My family has had issues from the beginning, who’s hasn’t? Being a blended family has never been easy; when half your siblings leave every weekend or every other weekend to go visit their “real” dad. When one set of parents are trying to follow Jesus and the other isn’t there is bound to be tension…. “volcanic” moments that leave one scarred, if they are old enough to remember how it was before the “ash” fell and “lava” forever changed the landscape of daily life.

For me there have been a handful of these events. The first one I remember was when brother number 1 (I have 3) got into a huge argument with my father over an underage alcoholic party he threw at our home while we were gone on vacation and he chose to stay home to work. I was 8 years old, he was 16. I can still remember the yelling and swearing echoing through the walls of our house as he and my brother argued outside. That day my life as I knew it changed forever, my brother decided that he could not live by the rules of our household so he moved out to live with “his” dad. I remember hearing his voice in the house even after he had left…it was almost as if he had died for a few years. I don’t remember seeing him much over the few years that followed. I have never had a close relationship with him since.

It wasn’t until college, that the Lord had began to deal with my heart on this issue. He revealed to me that I had a wound in my heart called abandonment that caused me to shield myself from forming relationships. It wasn’t that I didn’t want them… it was just that I felt it was pointless to make friends with people who were just going to leave you in a few years. However, He showed me by doing this I was missing out on what He had for me in that season of life: Not all meaningful relationships last a lifetime, some are only meant for seasons. The only relationship that will be with you in every season and moment of life is the one you form with Jesus Christ. A minor “earthquake” came a few years later when brother number 2 threatened to leave home in the same manner my 1st brother did. However, I don’t remember much of the details but do remember all the tears my mother cried and feelings of how unstable my family really was.

In high school, I remember some of my friends commenting on how wonderful and Brady Bunch like my family was. Don’t get me wrong, my childhood was amazing most of the time, we got to travel every summer and we were closer than most families I knew but we still had our problems. And since my life was not as tumultuous as my close friends and they kept telling me my life was perfect, it made it difficult for me to confide in them about my pain over my own family issues.

Another “earthquake,” came after High School graduation and brother 3 fell asleep while driving to school one morning. He hit a parked U-haul on the side of a Highway. He tore his PCL in one of his knees and completely totaled his car. He was beat up pretty bad that day and truth be told, I think even the doctors in the ER were surprised he left the car alive. God did an amazing work in my brothers heart that summer and I came to terms with how quickly life could end. I could have lost my brother that day, my best friend, but I didn’t. God preserved him and spared me the pain of loosing a brother and my parents the pain of loosing a son. That day was the first day I had even seen my father openly weep and just knowing that fact, changed my brothers heart towards him as well.

While away at college, My two older brothers got into a huge argument regarding their father, personal lifestyle choices, and their individual families (to put it simply). To be honest, since I was away for the majority of the situation the details are still fuzzy. From that event brother 1 and 2 did not speak to each other, nor would they show up to any family functions while the other was still there. Their father still doesn’t speak to his youngest son to this day, even though brother 2 has tried to reconcile. It was a few years later when brother 1 and his family started to come around again, something which I had prayed about for a long time. Brother 1 is not a believer and it is my prayer that one day he put his faith in Christ as Lord and Savior, so his lack of communication with us, though painful, was easier to deal with since he did not claim to believe in Christ like everyone else. I cannot expect someone who doesn’t believe in Jesus to live by the standards in which Christ has called his followers to live by.

The most recent relational “volcano” has occurred within the last year. The cause if this one is still fuzzy to me. Brother 2 and his family have decided to “take a break” from family. I’m not sure what exactly happened, apparently it has been little things that have built up over time that were never shared with the offending parties but it has gotten to the point where they have just shut down almost all communication with us. The whole thing, I have taken very personal. I love my brother, his wife, and his children. My deepest desire is to have a good relationship with each of my siblings, though to be honest I have been so busy with obtaining my bachelor and master degrees since the time the eldest got married, that I haven’t had much time to connect with any of them. It pains me to know that we (our family collectively: parents, siblings, etc..) has hurt them so badly that they don’t want anything to do with us. What hurts the most is I had know idea I hurt them. I must have done something but I have no idea what it was.

This most recent “volcano” has made me do a lot of reflecting. How could I have down things differently? How can I show them that I still think about them and care about them? How do I fix this? Because I want so badly to fix it but I can’t. I want so badly for reconciliation to come but I can’t force it.

Yesterday, I heard a speaker say that her sister doesn’t like her and the more she tried to fix the relationship the worse she made it. So she just had to come to terms with it and stop trying to fix it. When I hear that, it dawned on me: I have to come to terms with this and release it to the Lord. Do I give up on wanting reconciliation? No, I keep praying for it. Do I let my confusion turn to anger because I am hurt by my feelings of sibling rejection? No, I live in a place of forgiveness and be prepared to welcome them with open arms when they feel ready to open the lines of communication again. I choose Love. Love that is not based on feelings or emotion, but love that is based on action. The Love that says I accept you just as you are. The love that says I am choosing to learn what makes you feel important and special, regardless of the pain. The love that covers a multitude of sin, the love that only comes from Christ.

The Bible says that God is love and that anyone who does not love does not know God (1 John 4). So what is love according to the Bible? Jesus said that there is no greater love than a person who is willing to lay down their life for someone else (John 15:13). So what is laying down your life for another? There is the literal dying in someones place as Christ did on the cross but then there is the daily dying to yourself. To me I can gauge this love in my own life by how much I am willing to be “inconvenienced” by someone else. If I am not willing to be “inconvenienced” by someone than I know I don’t love them.

Thanks for reading, I hope this encouraged/challenged you in some way.

My $100,000 Journey into Home Schooling and “Staying” Home

Ruby BlossomLeave a comment

Every woman who chooses to be a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) and to homeschool does so for different reasons. For some women being a SAHM is very intentional and for others it happens by accident. Homeschooling, on the other hand, is always intentional. The decision to stay home with my children and to personally educate them was a VERY long process. It took me 5 years of married life and two children later to come to this decision and the outcome of saying “yes” to being a SAHM and to homeschool would have been a complete surprise to me even just 1-2 years ago. Yet, here I am. It’s official. I am a SAHM and I have taken on the responsibility of educating my child on everything they need to know to be successful not only in the world but academically. Thank God I made this decision now while my eldest son is only 4 years old, I have time to figure this homeschool thing out. If it wasn’t for a recent event, I may have eventually come to this decision in a few years.  

Being a SAHM was never something I considered as a serious option for me. My mom was a SAHM and we didn’t see eye to eye growing up. My view of the type of person a SAHM was how I interpreted my mom’s belief about herself and her own capabilities. Growing up she seemed “weak.” She didn’t seem to have a healthy self-esteem or a belief in her own capabilities. My dad, on the other hand, was confident, knowledgeable, and in my eyes he could do anything he put his mind too. I wanted to be like that: strong, confident, smart. In high school, my younger brother and I even wanted to be homeschooled but the response we got from our mom was that she was not smart enough to homeschool us because we were in classes that she had never even taken and she had not gone on to college. It wasn’t until I got married and started having children of my own, that I began to truly appreciate my mother and the value of “staying home.”

After High School I went to a private Christian College, Northwestern College to study Nursing. To be honest, my mom had more faith in my ability to make it through nursing school my first year of college than I did! The program was tough and that first year I doubted myself a lot but she encouraged me over the phone. I remember one of my friends telling me that someday I was going to make a great mom and have like 10 kids! I remember screaming in my head “NOOOO! Ten kids! I don’t think so! I have plans and dreams. I’m nowhere ready to have kids.” After 5 years of college I graduated with my BSN and began the rite of passage of paying off student loans. I remember paying 2 grand a month for the first 9 months after graduation and then after that whatever extra money I had I threw it at my debt (Thank you Dave Ramsey and FPU).

About a year after graduation, I meet my husband and we got married a few years later. I had paid off the majority of my school debt prior to us getting married and after we got married we made the last payment to my student loans ($75,000 in less than 4 years!). About a month after we had gotten married, I had gone back to school. I was tired of my nursing job and wanted a change. I didn’t like what I was doing anymore and wanted to do something different. So, I did what I thought seemed like the next logically step: become a Nurse Practitioner. I had always wanted to go on in school and I liked learning new things and didn’t mind studying. I also liked certain aspects of nursing but didn’t want to be working nights and holidays in a hospital my whole life. About a month into school we discovered I was pregnant. My husband was thrilled. I, on the other hand, deeply questioned what on earth the Lord was thinking! I was working nights full time, taking 5 credits in grad school, and my husband legally could not work while he waited to get his green card after we got married. I was like “God! Seriously, this is not a good time right now. Don’t you think a few years from now… like when I’m done with school would be a better time? Or after my husband gets a job?” This was a crisis of faith for me at that point.

When my son was about 3 months old, I went from full time to part time. At about 9 months I went down to casual and about 18 months I quit my job all together and just went to school full time because I felt that it was taking way to long. Completely, quitting my job was the hardest decision I ever made. It made me nervous to quit. I didn’t know if we could make it on one income and pay for my school as well. My husband refused to allow me to apply for any student loans and chose to work overtime at his job. I applied for scholarships and received one for $2,000 and prior to resigning from my job I told my husband I would only do it if we had a certain amount of money in our savings account. When I stepped across that stage August of 2018, I graduated debt free, 6 months pregnant, and we had only $2000 in savings. God proved Himself faithful. Time and time again He has shown me that he takes care of us and provides for us when we trust in Him.

September of 2018, I passed my licensing exam to practice as a Family Nurse Practitioner. Since I live near a state border, I became licensed in 2 states. However, I did not start looking for employment until April of this year when my second son turned about 3 months old. Where I live NP jobs are competitive to obtain when you are an entry level candidate. It took about 6 months of actively applying to multiple jobs that I finally got a job offer. Actually, I had gotten 2 job offers within a week to a week in a half of each other after getting numerous No’s from other places. I had really wanted the second offer but had already signed a contract with the other company and the contract was expensive to get out of.

After signing this contract, I remember having a brief conversation with a friend in which I clearly remember stating “I never wanted to be a stay at home mom or homeschool my children.” After making that statement I stopped myself and asked “Why do I feel that way. What are my hindrances to Homeschooling?”  I had already had about 3 years of practice being a SAHM outside of the 2 years of school and clinic hours I had to complete, so I had already worked through some of those feelings but what about this homeschooling thing? After that conversation I started to evaluate my thoughts and feelings about homeschooling. I started doing research into Homeschool laws for my state, what curriculum was available, what was the time commitment, etc… and then I started imagining what life could look like homeschooling. In anticipation for me going back to work we had already enrolled our oldest into a preschool and trying to restructure our schedule into being to school a little before 8 and picking him up at 3:15. To be honest, it was rather annoying because there were quite a few times I had to wake up our infant up from sleeping to go get his older brother to/from school.

Then came that fateful week of work. I’ll keep it brief. There are certain expectations I have when it comes to being employed by a company: 1) They are respectful of my time. 2) They are prepared and organized for my arrival. 3) I feel supported in my new role, especially as a new grad. 4) I can trust the people I will be working with to a degree. I was only employed there 3 days. One of those days was on-line training and the other 2 days were in the facility. By the end of three days it was clear to me that none of the four things listed above was going to happen anytime soon. The whole experience was super stressful for me and I actually ended up getting sick after resigning. Thankfully, because the experience was so bad and supposedly nothing had never happened like this before in the 7 year history of the company, I was completely released from my contract and did not have to pay anything for terminating the contract prior to completing one year of service.

The week prior to this happening, I had told my husband that I wanted to try working for a year to see if I enjoyed it and if I didn’t, I would be a SAHM and homeschool. After those three days, I knew I did not want to be working for a while. It was almost as if God had set up the whole thing to show me that working outside the home was not what he wanted me to be doing right now and that investing in my children at home is the work he has called me to in this season.  Though being at home and teaching the kids may be challenging at times and they may get on my nervous, at least none of them will ever be suing me. Plus, they are my kids, whom I love. God has placed them under my care to raise, educate, and nurture. Though I may not have initially thought His timing was perfect, I wouldn’t trade my children for anything and would hate to imagine my life without them.

And my husband, well he is thrilled. He has asked me to be a SAHM off and on for the last 4 years now. My parents are supportive. My grandma will be very happy once she finds out… she told my mom if I was going to have more kids, I should stay home. lol. My mother-in-law, well, my husband told me that she thought it would be great for the kids and that if I was happy about it then that was even better (She doesn’t speak much English and I don’t speak much Italian). My friends are excited for me, especially the ones that already homeschool.

As for myself, those 3 days of work made this the easiest “yes” it could have been. I’m excited for the adventure ahead. There are so many possibilities that lay ahead. I’ve even contemplated staying with my in-laws for a time just so my kids can practice their Italian and we can learn about Italian History and Europe while actually being there!!!! How fun! In a way I feel so freed from the constraints of traditional school schedules and I’m so thankful for a husband who finds great pleasure in being the one God uses to provide for us through the work of his hands. Some may say it was a waste to go through all that schooling but he doesn’t see it that way. He would rather have had me go through it and have no linger thoughts of regret. I may enter the paid workforce again someday but only when I feel a clear direction from the Lord that going back is what He has planned for me. I still plan to keep my RN and APRN licenses. I worked hard for those and I’m not going to let them just slip away.  

Thanks for reading! I plan on keeping my proceeding posts shorter.