Every woman who chooses to be a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) and to homeschool does so for different reasons. For some women being a SAHM is very intentional and for others it happens by accident. Homeschooling, on the other hand, is always intentional. The decision to stay home with my children and to personally educate them was a VERY long process. It took me 5 years of married life and two children later to come to this decision and the outcome of saying “yes” to being a SAHM and to homeschool would have been a complete surprise to me even just 1-2 years ago. Yet, here I am. It’s official. I am a SAHM and I have taken on the responsibility of educating my child on everything they need to know to be successful not only in the world but academically. Thank God I made this decision now while my eldest son is only 4 years old, I have time to figure this homeschool thing out. If it wasn’t for a recent event, I may have eventually come to this decision in a few years.
Being a SAHM was never something I considered as a serious option for me. My mom was a SAHM and we didn’t see eye to eye growing up. My view of the type of person a SAHM was how I interpreted my mom’s belief about herself and her own capabilities. Growing up she seemed “weak.” She didn’t seem to have a healthy self-esteem or a belief in her own capabilities. My dad, on the other hand, was confident, knowledgeable, and in my eyes he could do anything he put his mind too. I wanted to be like that: strong, confident, smart. In high school, my younger brother and I even wanted to be homeschooled but the response we got from our mom was that she was not smart enough to homeschool us because we were in classes that she had never even taken and she had not gone on to college. It wasn’t until I got married and started having children of my own, that I began to truly appreciate my mother and the value of “staying home.”
After High School I went to a private Christian College, Northwestern College to study Nursing. To be honest, my mom had more faith in my ability to make it through nursing school my first year of college than I did! The program was tough and that first year I doubted myself a lot but she encouraged me over the phone. I remember one of my friends telling me that someday I was going to make a great mom and have like 10 kids! I remember screaming in my head “NOOOO! Ten kids! I don’t think so! I have plans and dreams. I’m nowhere ready to have kids.” After 5 years of college I graduated with my BSN and began the rite of passage of paying off student loans. I remember paying 2 grand a month for the first 9 months after graduation and then after that whatever extra money I had I threw it at my debt (Thank you Dave Ramsey and FPU).
About a year after graduation, I meet my husband and we got married a few years later. I had paid off the majority of my school debt prior to us getting married and after we got married we made the last payment to my student loans ($75,000 in less than 4 years!). About a month after we had gotten married, I had gone back to school. I was tired of my nursing job and wanted a change. I didn’t like what I was doing anymore and wanted to do something different. So, I did what I thought seemed like the next logically step: become a Nurse Practitioner. I had always wanted to go on in school and I liked learning new things and didn’t mind studying. I also liked certain aspects of nursing but didn’t want to be working nights and holidays in a hospital my whole life. About a month into school we discovered I was pregnant. My husband was thrilled. I, on the other hand, deeply questioned what on earth the Lord was thinking! I was working nights full time, taking 5 credits in grad school, and my husband legally could not work while he waited to get his green card after we got married. I was like “God! Seriously, this is not a good time right now. Don’t you think a few years from now… like when I’m done with school would be a better time? Or after my husband gets a job?” This was a crisis of faith for me at that point.
When my son was about 3 months old, I went from full time to part time. At about 9 months I went down to casual and about 18 months I quit my job all together and just went to school full time because I felt that it was taking way to long. Completely, quitting my job was the hardest decision I ever made. It made me nervous to quit. I didn’t know if we could make it on one income and pay for my school as well. My husband refused to allow me to apply for any student loans and chose to work overtime at his job. I applied for scholarships and received one for $2,000 and prior to resigning from my job I told my husband I would only do it if we had a certain amount of money in our savings account. When I stepped across that stage August of 2018, I graduated debt free, 6 months pregnant, and we had only $2000 in savings. God proved Himself faithful. Time and time again He has shown me that he takes care of us and provides for us when we trust in Him.
September of 2018, I passed my licensing exam to practice as a Family Nurse Practitioner. Since I live near a state border, I became licensed in 2 states. However, I did not start looking for employment until April of this year when my second son turned about 3 months old. Where I live NP jobs are competitive to obtain when you are an entry level candidate. It took about 6 months of actively applying to multiple jobs that I finally got a job offer. Actually, I had gotten 2 job offers within a week to a week in a half of each other after getting numerous No’s from other places. I had really wanted the second offer but had already signed a contract with the other company and the contract was expensive to get out of.
After signing this contract, I remember having a brief conversation with a friend in which I clearly remember stating “I never wanted to be a stay at home mom or homeschool my children.” After making that statement I stopped myself and asked “Why do I feel that way. What are my hindrances to Homeschooling?” I had already had about 3 years of practice being a SAHM outside of the 2 years of school and clinic hours I had to complete, so I had already worked through some of those feelings but what about this homeschooling thing? After that conversation I started to evaluate my thoughts and feelings about homeschooling. I started doing research into Homeschool laws for my state, what curriculum was available, what was the time commitment, etc… and then I started imagining what life could look like homeschooling. In anticipation for me going back to work we had already enrolled our oldest into a preschool and trying to restructure our schedule into being to school a little before 8 and picking him up at 3:15. To be honest, it was rather annoying because there were quite a few times I had to wake up our infant up from sleeping to go get his older brother to/from school.
Then came that fateful week of work. I’ll keep it brief. There are certain expectations I have when it comes to being employed by a company: 1) They are respectful of my time. 2) They are prepared and organized for my arrival. 3) I feel supported in my new role, especially as a new grad. 4) I can trust the people I will be working with to a degree. I was only employed there 3 days. One of those days was on-line training and the other 2 days were in the facility. By the end of three days it was clear to me that none of the four things listed above was going to happen anytime soon. The whole experience was super stressful for me and I actually ended up getting sick after resigning. Thankfully, because the experience was so bad and supposedly nothing had never happened like this before in the 7 year history of the company, I was completely released from my contract and did not have to pay anything for terminating the contract prior to completing one year of service.
The week prior to this happening, I had told my husband that I wanted to try working for a year to see if I enjoyed it and if I didn’t, I would be a SAHM and homeschool. After those three days, I knew I did not want to be working for a while. It was almost as if God had set up the whole thing to show me that working outside the home was not what he wanted me to be doing right now and that investing in my children at home is the work he has called me to in this season. Though being at home and teaching the kids may be challenging at times and they may get on my nervous, at least none of them will ever be suing me. Plus, they are my kids, whom I love. God has placed them under my care to raise, educate, and nurture. Though I may not have initially thought His timing was perfect, I wouldn’t trade my children for anything and would hate to imagine my life without them.
And my husband, well he is thrilled. He has asked me to be a SAHM off and on for the last 4 years now. My parents are supportive. My grandma will be very happy once she finds out… she told my mom if I was going to have more kids, I should stay home. lol. My mother-in-law, well, my husband told me that she thought it would be great for the kids and that if I was happy about it then that was even better (She doesn’t speak much English and I don’t speak much Italian). My friends are excited for me, especially the ones that already homeschool.
As for myself, those 3 days of work made this the easiest “yes” it could have been. I’m excited for the adventure ahead. There are so many possibilities that lay ahead. I’ve even contemplated staying with my in-laws for a time just so my kids can practice their Italian and we can learn about Italian History and Europe while actually being there!!!! How fun! In a way I feel so freed from the constraints of traditional school schedules and I’m so thankful for a husband who finds great pleasure in being the one God uses to provide for us through the work of his hands. Some may say it was a waste to go through all that schooling but he doesn’t see it that way. He would rather have had me go through it and have no linger thoughts of regret. I may enter the paid workforce again someday but only when I feel a clear direction from the Lord that going back is what He has planned for me. I still plan to keep my RN and APRN licenses. I worked hard for those and I’m not going to let them just slip away.
Thanks for reading! I plan on keeping my proceeding posts shorter.
The Ruby Blossom 